Not Okay

Everyone knows this image.  It's famous!  It has a story behind it! This sailor was so very glad to be home from the war, back on his home soil, that he grabbed a nurse and kissed her! How romantic! 

Most young girls love this image, and I was no exception for a very long time. I think I even had a poster of it in my room when I was in high school.

But, the older I get and the more news stories I hear and read about the treatment of women in our society (please check your gag reflex and then go read the news about CNN's reaction to the verdict in the Steubenville rape trial) and what seems to be a MIND BOGGLING trend of pointing a finger at rape VICTIMS rather than RAPISTS THEMSELVES...the more this picture makes me uncomfortable.

Did this nurse ask to be kissed by a stranger?  Granted, from the photo, she doesn't seem to be fighting back or anything (and so goes the usual defense of misogynistic acts -- "but she didn't fight back!" or "her body sure seemed to respond to it!")...but the idea of it just turns my stomach. 

I imagine she was walking through Times Square, possibly on her way to or from work, and maybe even offering a small smile at the celebrating sailors around her and a prayer of thanks that the war was over, finally.  Then, one of the celebrating sailors grabs her and kisses her before she knows what is happening!  People laugh and clap and cheer, a photographer happens to be in the right place at the right time, and history is made!

Maybe he hugs her afterward and she smiles shyly back at him before they both go back on their merry way...or maybe he just runs back to his friends and leaves her standing there, straightening her hat and feeling a bit embarrassed.

If there's more about this story that you know and I don't, besides the recent articles that the members of the photo have allegedly been identified after all these years, please let me know!  But even with the truth, the fact that this was not pre-established couple with a relationship does not seem to have been disproven over the years. 

There was a Super Bowl commercial this year that Audi made, showing a very similar situation.  A young, dateless man goes to prom in his dad's fancy Audi, walks in, basically accosts the Prom Queen by grabbing and kissing her without her consent, and then getting punched out by the Prom King.  But the kid has accomplished his goal! He drives home with a black eye and a smile, and a primal howl that he did something he has probably always wanted to do!

It just...it doesn't sit well with me.  The Prom King is made to look like a douchey meathead who doesn't deserve the girl, but you know what? I'm more likely to side with him for punching out the guy who grabbed his date and kissed her without the girl's permission. 

Back to the CNN reactions to the Steubenville rape case verdict for one second...

Can you believe that it was two FEMALE news reporters who couldn't focus on anything other than how these young men's lives were "ruined" because of the verdict?! Yes, it's really sad that two very young men who made very, very bad choices will now be marked as sex offenders for stupid decisions they made at such young ages.  But they made a choice, and we cannot -- WE CANNOT --  have a society that doesn't give out consequences for breaking the law.

Their crying on the video in the link at the top of this blog didn't affect me at all.  What did the first guy apologize for? Sending out the pictures and videos they took.  Not for taking advantage of a 16-year-old girl and physically and sexually assaulting her. 

Maybe they are sorry.  They very well might be.  But that's just too bad.  They broke the law in a disgusting and horrifying way and now they have to pay for it. 

There are so many cases similar to this that have not resulted in the right verdict, and this is a step in the right direction towards making ANYONE -- regardless of how important they are to a mother-effing football team -- pay the consequences for rape.  And shame shame SHAME on Poppy Harlow, Candy Crowley and CNN for making this news story all about the poor rapists rather than the 16-year-old girl whose life has also been irrevocably affected by these events and this trial.

If I have a daughter, I hope we raise her in a way that teaches her that it is never okay to be grabbed, touched, etc. by someone else -- male or female -- without her consent.  If I have a son, I hope we raise him to respect all people and to never touch or grab another person without their consent. 

No matter the sex/gender of my offspring, I also want them to know that they can stand up for situations like these when they see it happening.  How many people stand around and watch this sort of thing happen all the time and do nothing about it?

So, no...the "Kissing the War Goodbye" poster and its backstory is no longer quite so romantic to me.  My husband kind of gave me a "here she goes again" smile when I started in on this subject when we saw a print of the image in a local sandwich shop last week, but as I prepare for the birth of a child into a world where women (and sometimes men; I don't want to leave out the instances in which men are also raped and assaulted) are treated like objects and expected to take on the responsibility alone for their own safety and protection, these things hit me much more deeply and emotionally.

Mermaids vs. Whales

I've seen the following photo posted on Facebook with the text in italics as its "caption."  It currently has nearly 200,000 "likes," around 140,000 "shares," and over 60,000 comments.  Obviously I haven't read all the comments, but I'd like to share my thoughts below the italicized text.



(this is the picture that accompanied the post on Facebook)

 A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

 "Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness. They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia. They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist. But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? They would have no sex life and could not bear children. Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad. And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale. At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies. We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated. Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! " (The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)

Allow me to begin with my rant to the gym which posted this sign (allegedly -- I've yet to see or even look for proof of this.  For all we know it's fake and has just gone viral).  WHAT THE HELL, GYM?  Do you really think that's going to help anyone? Do you know how many people have a hard enough time getting up the nerve to even GO to the gym, a place where people in spandex do things that make body parts jiggle that they didn't even know they had?

How about, rather than making women feel even worse about themselves, you do something else.  Something actually inspiring, rather than berating and insulting.  Put up a picture of a normal sized woman crossing a finish line, shooting a basketball or swinging a tennis racket.  Make the caption something like "Feel better this summer than you ever have!  Ask us how we can help!"

Stupid gym.

Now, onto the woman's response.  I had a friend on Facebook comment on my post (I expressed annoyance and mild disgust at this whole thing) that she just took the woman's response at face value. That it's just a metaphor.  I get that, I really do.  And I'm glad if it makes some women feel better, which it most surely has. But a good metaphor is one that is well thought-out.  This is just a bad metaphor that, frankly, offends me as a writer.

Things she says just don't make sense.  Such as her tirade against mermaids, during which she says, "They would have no sex life...who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?" Um...so a man would prefer an even larger ACTUAL fish in his bed (the whale)? At least mermaids have boobs.  Poll 100 men and say "Real, 100% fish in your bed, or half-fish with great tits that maybe just smells like a fish?"  See what I'm sayin'?  BAD METAPHOR.

Now here is where I'm gonna hurt some feelings.  So get ready for it.

The part I take MOST ISSUE with is this: "We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies. We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated."

Um...hold on.  What?  Women gain weight because of their awesomeness?  My achievements and education and great knowledge is all manifested in my thighs and my ass?  I'm not fat, I'm cultivated!!

Wrong.

The thing is...I don't know the woman who wrote this response.  I don't know how old she is or what she looks like or anything about her station in life.  But I do know this...that response has a tone of painful familiarity for me.

As a former "fat" girl and a girl who still has some (ROCKIN') curves (I don't mind telling you I'm a size 12)...curves that I have enhanced and earned by working hard and making healthy choices (or trying to) regularly...I'm gonna say that I call bullshit.  You know why?  Because I have said those things:

"I'd rather be happy than thin!"

"Who wants to diet when I'm getting quality time with my friends eating cheese fries and drinking beer? I AM HAPPIER THAN THAT SKINNY GIRL AND/OR THAT GIRL BUSTING IT AT THE GYM 3 TIMES A WEEK!"

Then you know what I'd do?  I'd go home and get up the next morning and cry silently because nothing fit right and I didn't feel good or confident in any of my clothes.  Because I wasn't actually happy.  Not with myself.  Not 100%.  Yes, my life was (and is) filled with wonderful people and incredible moments.  But then the dust cleared and I was left looking at myself in the mirror, I wasn't actually happy.

So I made healthy changes and wanted to look better for ME.  And guess what happened when I lost weight?? I KEPT ALL THAT OTHER AWESOME STUFF LIKE WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE AND GENERAL AWESOMENESS.

In fact, I'd say I earned even more throughout the process of becoming healthier.

Look, I understand that the woman is angry because the gym made such a ridiculous, extreme statement.  Extremes are rarely a good thing.  My response would have been, "Wait, THESE are my choices?? Mermaid or whale?"  And then I would've switched gyms.

Actually, I probably would've scheduled a time to talk with a manager or head of personal training or PR for the gym or whatever and calmly explained how harmful I thought the sign was.  But that's who I am in the world.

But getting all up in arms and turning an already ridiculous metaphor into something more ridiculous is not actually helping future generations of women.  Rather than telling them that being a whale is awesome, how about we tell them how awesome it is to be healthy?  That it prolongs their life, that it makes them feel better and feel more accomplished and feel sexier (ask my husband how much his life has improved since I started loving who I am more)?

 I think that would do much more good than continuing to make the case for "extremes."



Aaaaaand SCENE. 

Remembering

10 years ago, I was standing in my bathroom at my dad & stepmom's house, blow-drying my hair and getting ready for class.  I heard my stepmom on the phone saying "a plane hit the world trade center."  My first thoughts were "Was the pilot sick or high or something?"  I sank down on to the couch next to her as the second plane hit.  Silently, we held hands.

10 years ago, I drove to class, listening to the radio.  I heard the disbelief and the grief in the DJs' voices.  I didn't want to get out of my car -- I just wanted to keep listening. I finally walked into my political science class, where the giant screen we used for the day's notes was tuned into the news.  My professor, always dependable to have something to say, stood silently with one hand over her mouth.  Before I could find a seat, the building fell.  I sat down in the aisle because I didn't think my legs could hold me up.

10 years ago, my choir director walked past me in the music building, his eyes filled with grief, and said, "This makes Oklahoma City look like a goddamned firecracker."

10 years ago, just before classes at UNT were canceled for the day, I went to my next class -- Theory I with Dr. Cho. He passed out the day's hymn, which he used to have us practice sight-singing. He asked that in reverence to the day's events, we sing the words. In his heavily accented, soft-spoken voice, he asked that if we had a problem singing the words, that we just remain silent. That morning, 100 or more music students sang four verses of "Nearer My God To Thee" in 4-part harmony. I will never forget that moment.

Even as I remember and honor and pray for the fallen and the families of the fallen and the heroes who see all the horrific images when they close their eyes even now...I am heartbroken that we seem to have forgotten the unity and camaraderie that we as a nation felt on that day and in the short days and weeks afterwards.

I log onto Facebook and Twitter and I see lashing out at Republicans and Democrats and names called and jokes made, and it makes me sad.  I see parties trying to beat and belittle the other, rather than a country trying to do what's best for us and future generations. 

Lord, let us remember that unity and patriotism need to happen more often than on national holidays and anniversaries of national tragedy. 

And let us never forget September 11th, 2001. 

Not Acceptable

I saw this commercial today while I was home nursing an upset stomach.  I very much appreciate it's message, but I'm slightly torn...

While the words earlier in the commercial are mostly racial slurs, I always thought that "retarded" was actually a medical term.  I think it may have turned into a slur with the casual way people throw it around, and it's certainly not okay to call someone that cruelly or to use the word lightly or in a teasing manner.  But is "retarded" really not acceptable?  Are we just becoming too politically correct, or are we turning even formerly acceptable terms into slurs so often that we have to keep inventing new, more PC terms?

Would love to get a discussion started on this in the comments...

Everybody ______ a Critic

Well, put another script on the shelf for posterity. Crazy For You closed on May 10th after what I feel was a VERY successful run. We sold out the entire second weekend of performances, which is a huge step in the right direction for MTD, and I could not be more proud of this show. The cast, the production team, the crew -- everyone and I mean everyone worked their asses off on this show, and we all were boo-hooing on the last performance. Not just because it was the last performance, but because we truly all formed an emotional bond that I can't describe to anyone who hasn't been a part of such a process. I'm blessed to have known and worked with ALL of them, and my thanks go out to each and every new relationship I formed within this production process.

That being said, the reviews are in, and prove that everyone does in fact have their own opinion and that you can't please everyone! This one was written and posted by John Garcia of The Column, a weekly email group that began as a source for Dallas/Ft. Worth theatre-lovers and has expanded to more than 12,000 subscribers. This one was written by a couple of new reviewers who are just starting their "business" as it were and only have a couple of reviews up.

No matter what, though, nothing will take away from my experience and my views on a wonderful, exhausting, emotional, and rewarding experience.

Now. What's next?

I'm going to be assistant stage managing Denton Community Theatre's production of Don't Dress for Dinner, which is a play opening the first weekend in June, and there's a chance I'll be auditioning for a new adaptation/collaboration piece with a smaller theatre in Denton that same weekend. I'll try to be better at keeping everyone posted. I know, I've been bad...but work + two shows back-to-back = one stressed out and tired and BUSY lady! Summer will be a lot more laid back. :)

P.S. those beautiful photos above were taken by my friend and Very Favorite Photographer, Lynn Michelle when I invited her to be my guest at our preview performance. She rules...as usual.

Perfectly Marvelous

The news of Natasha Richardson's tragic and unnecessary death had really been on my heart and mind today. What a beautiful and talented woman she was, and one of the few in Hollywood who had a marriage people could look up to. Below is a clip of Natasha as Sally Bowles in the 1998 Broadway revival of Cabaret.

Rest in peace, Natasha.

Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

I say "Christian organization," you say "Gay Hate Group."

I just read this article on Perez Hilton's blog regarding Focus on the Family announcing layoffs.

Let me just offer up a small disclaimer that I only know a tiny bit about Focus on the Family from my years of listening to the Christian radio station way back in the day, so for all I know, they may be a "gay hate group" as Perez calls them.

However, I don't think that simply acting on their beliefs about Prop 8 because of their beliefs and interpretation of the Word (many of which I likely agree with) make them a hate group.

Hate is a strong word, Perez.

I personally don't think that it should have passed, because who am I to judge the action of men (or women)? Do I condone homosexuality? No. Do I hate homosexuals because of that? Absofreakinglutely NOT.

The two are mutually exclusive. Believe it or not.

Consider this...do I condone the actions of a family member who was put in prison for several years for drugs and theft? Not in the slightest. Do I hate him? Of course not.

I subscribe to the Word of God, who considers all sins to be the same.

Strong action against what many think is a sin is not the same thing as "hate."

That just rubbed me the wrong way this morning, so I had to share.

Back later, with more better (and lighter) stuff.

Another Perspective -- Voting for McCain/Palin

Ask and ye shall receive! Since I posted my friend's perspective recently on why he chose to vote for Obama/Biden, I was hoping that someone would post, in response, why he/she chose to vote for McCain/Palin. A very dear friend from high school (has it really been almost 10 years since I've seen him??) indulged me. Here is his response:

Hey! I'm voting for McCain/Palin for a number of reasons. But here are the
basics.

1 Economy: A free market economy needs less regulation to thrive. Our economy has grown to be the strongest in the world based on these principals. I was against the bail out package and I am against bigger government.

2.Taxes: I believe that America should have a flat tax with no write offs, deductions or IRS. Increased taxes on upper and middle class will have a negative impact economic growth. Less money will mean less growth in small companies and corporate america. I love the idea of socialism. However, it has proven ineffective in many Eastern European and Asian countries over the last century. Whether democratic of totalitarian socialism the leadership has proven to become corrupted. Increased laws and regulations undoubtedly stifle economic growth and citizens end up with a lower, albeit equal quality of life. The rich Americans should be helping out the less fortunate. I do not believe that government should be the one giving handouts. I should choose where my money goes and how much to give.

3. Energy: I believe that energy will work itself out. The government should not subsidize solar, wind, or any other alternative energy source. When fuel prices get as high as they did Americans began addressing the problem itself. T. Boone Pickens and others have privately funded solar energy and natural gas growth. I hate our energy dependence on anti-american middle eastern countries and venezuela. But the way to solve it is by letting our free market economy work.

4. Abortion: Abortion is an issue that I am not willing to waiver on. In my opinion life begins the second an egg is fertilized and no one but God has the right to take that life.

In general I believe in smaller government. I can make better decisions with my retirement, health care, and charity than government. I'd be happy to talk more. I love politics!

I think this is really a turning point for America. Are we going to continue doing what got us here, or change direction and follow the role of Western Europe? I don't care how people vote, just be informed and take the time to invest in our future.

Well said! I learned a few things from his perspectives, that's for sure.

In response to his comments, another friend posted the following:

I agree. This is a huge turning point for our country. This election is about one issue to me. Capitalism vs. Socialism. I don't think capitalism is perfect, but without question Capitalism is far more superior than Socialism.

I don't currently make over $250,000/year, but:

a. I work for a company that does = lower wages for me in the future.

b. I own stocks in companies that Obama calls "Big Business"

c. I own stocks

d. I have a very small business and in my absurd "pursuit of happiness", hope to work very hard and grow this business into a bigger one, thus making lots of money. I don't want to give 35-60% of this money to the government. I would like to hire people and create opportunity.

e. I, like McCain, think that it is not government's responisibility to redistribute our money. I would rather trust my money invested in free market.

No words

This story is just horrible.

A plane crashing in the parking lot of a grocery store is tragic enough. Not only is it a horrible thing to have happened, but it must've been incredibly traumatizing for those who saw it happen in front of their own eyes, knowing there was nothing that they could do.

But then to hear the newscaster announce that the passengers were a cancer patient and his wife, simply on their way to Boston's Dana Farber institute for treatment via Angel Flight New England? Yeesh.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the passengers and the pilot. What a sick twist of irony.... ugh.

Phelps Phever

Currently Watching: Flipping between Summer Olympics and Red Sox/Rangers baseball

Between the wedding, the Move, and the Olympics....I'll be getting no sleep at all for the next two weeks.

Ever since Friday night's controversial* opening ceremonies, our television has been on and tuned into NBC for as much coverage as we can possibly stay awake for.

I love the Summer Olympics. Love love love them. I was in my first year of college during the 2000 Olympics in Sydney (spare me the typical "you're such a baby!" comments, please), and my roommate and I watched them nonstop.

Our favorite? Swimming.

Why? May I point your attention please, to Exhibit A:



I'll give you a moment to take that in. Yummo.

Now before you start in on me about being a(n) (almost) married woman, please keep in mind that Natalie Coughlin (also of swimming fame) and several beach volleyball players provide plenty of eye candy for Operaboy. He knows about my love of Michael Phelps.

Anyway, I digress (very much).

What was I saying? Oh, right. I love the Olympics.

There's something just so amazing about watching people with whom I really have nothing in common (save a mutual love and loyalty to these United States of course), pushing their bodies to the absolute limits, and for what? A medal? Perhaps. National pride? Maybe. But I think it's more than that. I think that I just respect these athletes so much because they set such incredible goals for themselves and they love the pain that comes from muscles screaming towards the finish line so that you can finish one one-hundredth of a second before France (ahem, a-thank you , men's 4x100 relay team).

I also love watching the gold medalists stand, bodies spent, on the top platform and fight back tears as they mouth the words to their own national anthems. Americans or no, I always enjoy watching the medal ceremonies.

Speaking of medal ceremonies, finally we come full circle, to the beginning of this blog. The reason I didn't sleep last night (other than a few hours of packing/excavating the apartment and cutting out hundreds of monograms to put on wedding favors) was that I got myself all riled up watching the men's gymnastics fight for the bronze (and even have a chance at the silver for a few minutes). My dreams, once I slept, were filled with men with strong upper bodies swimming in pool lanes decorated with our new monogram.

Hmm.

Perhaps I should get some sleep after all.





*I say controversial not necessarily because of anything in the media, especially over the last couple of days (fake fireworks, children picked to lip-synch words sung by a not-as-attractive child, etc), but because of just the general ominous feeling I got from the opening ceremonies....like China itself is a tank that is an unstoppable force. But that's another blog for another day perhaps.