Fiona

This may come as a big surprise to you all, but...I'm kind of an emotional person.

I know.

But what can I say? I love traditions. I love meaningful things. I love "things" or mementos or treasures or articles of clothing that have a story tied to them. (Remember the Traveling Maternity Shirt?)

Enter Fiona.

"Who/what is Fiona?" you say?

Let me start at the beginning.

Back when I found out I was pregnant, I hesitantly joined The Bump, one of many choices for pregnancy websites.  I found my Birth Month message board (June 2013) and kind of held it at arms length for a while.  However, sharing a pregnancy with strangers who will delight in your ever-growing bump with you and get SUPER excited about milestones (V-day, etc.) when everyone in your life who isn't pregnant just kind of smiles and nods....it was nice to have that group.

Late in the pregnancy, a smaller group of us formed a Facebook group (I'd tell you our name, but then I'd have to kill you.  The first rule about the June 2013 Moms Group is that you don't talk about the June 2013 Moms Group) and quickly began to get close to each other.  We anxiously awaited each June baby (some decided to make early appearances!), and we were there for each other literally 24/7 (you'd probably not be surprised to hear that there were some middle-of-the-night WHY IS MY BABY STILL CRYING?! type posts) during those bleary-eyed newborn stages.  We celebrated each milestone and, just recently, we celebrated and cried nostalgic tears with each other as we cheered each baby's first birthday and each Mama's first Birth Day celebration.

These women are amazing.

Now, back to Fiona. 

As you may remember, I got pretty into babywearing, thanks in large part to these amazing women (I bought my first wrap from one of them, and have borrowed many more from others).

One of the traveling wraps was Fiona.  Fiona is a woven wrap made by Pavo Textiles, and it's a fuchsia Etini.  One of the June mamas sent Fiona traveling in order to break her in ("breaking in" means making the wrap softer and more easily wrapped with than it is brand new in the bag).  MANY June mamas were on the list to play with Fiona for a week.  I lucked out and got her just in time for Christmas:

I absolutely loved seeing Fiona's travels...knowing that this one wrap was carrying all of these babies. That women I had grown to love and trust were wrapping their cranky, sleepy, teething, clingy, lovey-dovey babies with the same wrap.

I mean seriously, though, isn't that kind of a beautiful thing??

Anyway, when Fiona returned home, she was offered for sale (with what we call "buyback dibs") by the owner.  We all knew we wanted to keep Fiona in the "family." LONG STORY SHORT (too late), the owner and I spoke and she offered to split the wrap with me, and have two ring slings made by a professional converter.

Well...my half arrived today.

As soon as I put Z (cranky, clingy and feverish as he gets over an ear infection) in the sling, he rested his head on my chest and sighed.  I got huge tears in my eyes and was barely able to snap this picture before I got ugly-cry-face going.

It's not just that it's a wrap. A beautiful one, at that.  It's also that this wrap has carried many of the 2013 Junebugs. It's been lovingly re-folded and packed and shipped all over the U.S.

And...if I'm being honest...it's also that the owner was willing to do this for me on a payment schedule that works for us. I'm lucky to have one wrap at all, and it just isn't prudent for us to spend money on more when my beautiful Indio is so versatile for us.

...but she knew how much Fiona means to me. She knows I'm one of the sappiest people ever, and her generosity, patience and kindness make me get all teary all over again.

I don't have many and will probably never have a large wrap stash. But the ones I have are definitely perma-stash.  They will be in my home long after my baby (babies, possibly...some day) is past the wrapping years.  Because they mean a lot to me, and they carry stories as well as babies.

Welcome home, Fiona.  We'll do you proud.

Glory Moments

I am a working mom.

I always knew I would be.

I can definitely see myself standing under that bizarre umbrella that is "an introvert with extroverted tendencies," I need my time at home and I need to get out of the house sometimes. I want to work, and I want to be proud of what I do. I want Z to be proud of me, too!

I'm lucky.  I truly, truly am.  I leave him every day at one of the best childcare facilities in our city and he is loved! His classmates smile and clap and make squeals of delight when they see him. His teachers call out his name in hearty greeting. He spends the day learning and playing and comes home filthy and happy and more confident. His teachers hug me when I tearfully ask them not to tell me when/if he takes his first steps there instead of at home...and they promise me that, as far as they are concerned, all milestones happen at home.

But still. It's so hard sometimes. This week in particular, I've become acutely aware of just how little time I (and millions of other working moms) get to spend with him on a normal weekday.  Half an hour to an hour in the morning, and 2/2.5 hours tops between pick-up and bedtime.

So we fill that time with hugs and giggles and stolen kisses (he's so busy; it's hard to catch him!) and songs and bath time and storybooks. 

My time with my family is so precious.  I know there are silver linings in every dark cloud.  While I may not be feeling particularly...fulfilled, professionally these days, I am definitely made more aware of every. single. moment. with my family.  In our short times together during the week and especially on the weekends.

A daily devotional I read calls them "glory moments."  Moments of gratitude and wonder and thankfulness.  These moments are what I live for, and they're what get me through every day.

Nothing is permanent; I know things can and will change.  But this week has been harder than usual.  And these last couple of months of transition and change have taught me that I have to find the joy where I can and not allow the frustration or the negativity to rule me. (I'm being vague, but I have to be. It's the smart, grown-up thing to do, right? RIGHT?)

The good news is, these moments are usually pretty easy to find...

The joy lives with me, with these two guys in my life.  The little one smiles and pats my face, and the bigger one holds me and tells me he supports me no matter what.

It's the glory moments that get me through....that fill in all the little cracks and holes between Monday at 8am and Friday at 5pm.

And they are wonderful.