My Worst Critic

Today, inspired by Jon Acuff's post in which he did the same, I took a photograph of my worst critic.

I caught her in a moment. I snapped her photo so that I could see her at a vulnerable moment and remind her that she really holds no power and that she doesn't always tell the truth.

I took her picture so that I could look right at her and tell her that she's not always right when she tells me things including (but certainly not limited to):

• You are not a nice person.
• You don't deserve good things to happen to you.
• Good things aren't happening to you, and it's because you aren't trying hard enough.
• You're bitter because you think you aren't good enough, and you're not.

What a mean person this critic is! Nobody would want to hang out with a person like this, would they? And yet she was close enough for me to snap a photograph.

Are you ready to see her?

(I know you aren't surprised.  These types of posts are usually pretty predictable.)

I had this empty post field open already when I clicked on Jon's tweet that led me to his blog post, and it was incredibly well-timed.  I was literally preparing to write an honest-but-not-very-nice post about myself in which I shook my fists to the Heavens in frustration and anger and bitterness about the fact that I'm not where I want to be yet.

Worse and much scarier - that I don't know where I want to be yet.  At least not definitively.

I do know some honest facts, though (my critic just doesn't have a very nice, tactful or loving way of saying them):

• I'm afraid. 
• I'm anxious.
• I'm having a hard time being happy for anyone right now when good things happen to them.  Not because I don't think they deserve them, but because I don't understand why they aren't happening for me. 
• I'm unfulfilled, professionally.

Look, I know what I'm doing wrong (though, perhaps "wrong" is the critic's word and I should try to come up with another one).   I've read all the devotional emails and heard all the sermons that remind me that until I fill up my life with Christ and focus on His word, I will not feel truly fulfilled in other aspects of my life, either.

Even THIS WEEK, I read a devotional that should have made me feel better.  It spoke directly to what I've been feeling lately.  Here's an excerpt:

I know some of you are ready to give up and quit. Some mountain is standing between you and the dream you thought was sure to become a reality. You think God has lost track of where you are and what you are going through. He hasn’t. That is a lie from the pit and smells like smoke. Don’t buy it!

I know you don’t understand why a loving God would allow so much pain to saturate this broken world and perpetuate such loss and hurt. I don’t either. But God’s ways are so much higher than my ways, and His thoughts are for my eternal good – not my temporary comfort.

The world is broken and hearts (including mine) are so heavy right now.  I'm frustrated with the state of the world, both globally and in my own little bubble and that mean girl up there in the mirror is telling me that I shouldn't allow myself to feel my own little first-world problems when there are "much bigger, worse things happening everywhere else." To an extent, she is right...

But I do need to address her, head-on, and face the truths that I'm fighting against with every fiber of my being.

A lot of posts and articles have made the rounds lately, in the wake of the sudden and tragic death of Robin Williams about how depression and anxiety are liars. I've never wanted to admit that I may struggle with one or both of those things (not outside of the postpartum anxiety I had for several months after Z was born, anyway) because they aren't "as bad as some people really have it."  But that's another lie, because I don't have to quanitfy OR qualify my feelings against those of others.

If I'm laying in bed, letting that inner critic, that Mean Girl, tell me all of those items in that first bulleted list and believing them, then it's time to make a change.

There's no revelation or special ending paragraph to this post that details what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it. Because right now I'm still in the frustrated phase. I am reading devotional emails and cognitively knowing and understanding what the issue is and what I can and should be doing, but right now I'm stubbornly digging in my heels and folding my arms and just wanting to be mad. Openly inviting my worst critic into the conversation.

But maybe calling her out is the first step. She, led by the lies of the Enemy and the untruths and deception of anxiety, is not the boss of me. I won't let her win.

As I write this, I get tears in my eyes because I know that I do try every day to focus on love and positivity, but that sometimes that's just not enough.  But I'll get there.  My story isn't even close to over. Way, way, way down the path I can see where I want to be. I've just got to get over that mountain first.

On this blog, I write my last* confessions...

(*read: most recent)

I have a confession to make.  A couple, actually. 

Confession #1 -- About a week or so ago, I started asking myself a question that I was afraid to answer.  The question was, "Am I just unmoved by musical theatre anymore?" The question came as a result of having recently left several productions, from amateur to professional, just feeling...bereft of feeling or emotion.

As a matter of fact, I've been wondering of late if and where and how theatre even belongs in my life.  Becoming a mom to Z has definitely put my life into perspective, regarding how and where I spend my time and money, and sometimes I wonder if I even love it as much as I used to.  (See this post from Theatre Communications Group a while back -- it is a fairly accurate representation of the feelings I've had difficulty expressing in the past 13 months).

Then, this past Friday night, I attended Dallas Theater Center's widely-discussed (and quite polarizing) production of Les Misérables. With an open mind but a guarded heart for my all-time favorite musical, I craned my neck from the edge of my infamous chair at the Wyly Theatre, and spent three hours holding my breath and fighting back tears.

Which leads me to Confession #2 -- I will no longer call myself a "purist" when it comes to theatre.  At least, not in the sense of the word that has me digging in my heels and refusing to accept change or re-imagining of what we've, as a community, deemed "classic" works in the art form. 

Photo by Karen Almond, from DTC web site.

Before scoring my own set of tickets to a performance, I read almost every review of this production, and actively participated in discussions on Facebook theatre group forums (sometimes just to play Devil's Advocate and keep discussion going, but sometimes just to ask questions and be a part of the conversation -- and there was a lot of conversation about this production).  However, once I bought my tickets, I went off the Les Mis grid.  I wanted to spend the next 3.5 weeks in a bubble, and reset myself and my expectations for this production.

Photo by Karen Almond, from DTC web site.

This is not a review.  Others have done that already, and have done it better than I could.  I have thoughts - lots of them - about the direction and the staging and the performances...and also about the whole concept or idea of pushing our boundaries and taking the time to look at a story with fresh perspective.

I am no longer a purist -- but allow me to explain how I'm choosing to define "purist" in this genre. 

Do I believe that we need to consider the author/playwright/composer's intent?  Yes, absolutely.

Do I believe, though, that we cannot think outside the box without compromising the aforementioned intent and/or changing the story?  Not anymore. 

In my opinion, theatre is necessary and beautiful because it speaks to the human condition.  It's almost always about people, isn't it?  Or about how something affects a person or group of people?  I think so.  And we can only hope as artists that, when we make ourselves vulnerable and put our hearts and souls into the characters and breathe life into them on a stage, that we end up sharing something important and real with our audiences.

It's not just about the concept or the lighting or the production -- it's about the story.  It's about the human elements that guided the pen of the playwright/composer, that inspired the director/conductor and that are brought onto a stage by a dedicated, committed and passionate cast of actors.

That's why (and how) Les Mis works, even if you dress it up a bit differently. If anything, I'd say that this version, spearheaded by director Liesl Tommy, works even more so -- because you are unable to go into soft focus and watch this show as you've always seen it.  You perk up a bit in your seat, you tilt your head to the side a bit, and you snap to attention.  You hear lyrics as you've never heard or understood them before.  Themes smack you in the face with a little bit more force than the last reboot you saw come through on a tour.

Photo by Karen Almond, from DTC web site.

Again, I really do have so much more I could say about this production, but I fear I'd end up writing something long enough to rival Hugo's novel.  I do want to say just one more thing before I close with my final feelings:  I do not think that it takes the budget or space of Dallas Theater Center to create all of the same beauty and rawness and humanity that I experienced on Friday night.  It can happen (and is happening) anywhere artists are gathered with a passion and a goal to create art that inspires people.

I'll close with an email I sent to the director the morning after the show.  Perhaps I did tiptoe into "fangirl" territory, but I meant every word. I feel inspired and refreshed as an artist.  And grateful to have so many opportunities coming up to put that inspiration on its feet. 

Dear Ms. Tommy, 

Last night, my husband and I finally were able to score tickets to Les Miserables at Dallas Theater Center. We are semi-active members of the D/FW theater community and we love the musical and wanted to go and support some of our friends in the show. 

Thank you. 

Thank you for being brave with a classic production. Thank you for taking a risk and giving local audiences a chance to expand and open their minds to a fresh perspective on a beloved musical. 

Thank you for taking a concept and clearly weaving it through every single intricacy of a very intricate story. 

Thank you for showing us that, despite time or place of setting, humanity and the human connections we make are still relevant and that, in my opinion, they are why we do theater (or see theater, if our interests don't take us onstage) and why it's our DUTY to keep looking at these stories and songs. 

On a personal note...thank you and the cast for showing me that yes...I do need theater in my life, still. I had a baby a year ago, and since his birth and a very rough first experience back onstage a few months ago, I have been struggling with an artistic existential crisis. I've been asking myself, "Does theater -- specifically musical theater -- even have a place in my life anymore? Is this something that I still NEED?" Last night reminded me in my very bones that the answer is "YES." I was mentally and physically drained after last night's performance from sitting on the edge of my seat, holding my breath, and seeing and understanding new meanings in the story (I know it's cliche, but all of the parent/children moments resonated with me in a brand new way). I just wanted to rest my head in my arms on the balcony and weep. 

In my head, I've just been saying, "I want to email Liesl Tommy and say, simply, 'I got it. I understood it. Thank you.'" But the words kept coming. 

Thank you. And the cast. A million times.

Fiona

This may come as a big surprise to you all, but...I'm kind of an emotional person.

I know.

But what can I say? I love traditions. I love meaningful things. I love "things" or mementos or treasures or articles of clothing that have a story tied to them. (Remember the Traveling Maternity Shirt?)

Enter Fiona.

"Who/what is Fiona?" you say?

Let me start at the beginning.

Back when I found out I was pregnant, I hesitantly joined The Bump, one of many choices for pregnancy websites.  I found my Birth Month message board (June 2013) and kind of held it at arms length for a while.  However, sharing a pregnancy with strangers who will delight in your ever-growing bump with you and get SUPER excited about milestones (V-day, etc.) when everyone in your life who isn't pregnant just kind of smiles and nods....it was nice to have that group.

Late in the pregnancy, a smaller group of us formed a Facebook group (I'd tell you our name, but then I'd have to kill you.  The first rule about the June 2013 Moms Group is that you don't talk about the June 2013 Moms Group) and quickly began to get close to each other.  We anxiously awaited each June baby (some decided to make early appearances!), and we were there for each other literally 24/7 (you'd probably not be surprised to hear that there were some middle-of-the-night WHY IS MY BABY STILL CRYING?! type posts) during those bleary-eyed newborn stages.  We celebrated each milestone and, just recently, we celebrated and cried nostalgic tears with each other as we cheered each baby's first birthday and each Mama's first Birth Day celebration.

These women are amazing.

Now, back to Fiona. 

As you may remember, I got pretty into babywearing, thanks in large part to these amazing women (I bought my first wrap from one of them, and have borrowed many more from others).

One of the traveling wraps was Fiona.  Fiona is a woven wrap made by Pavo Textiles, and it's a fuchsia Etini.  One of the June mamas sent Fiona traveling in order to break her in ("breaking in" means making the wrap softer and more easily wrapped with than it is brand new in the bag).  MANY June mamas were on the list to play with Fiona for a week.  I lucked out and got her just in time for Christmas:

I absolutely loved seeing Fiona's travels...knowing that this one wrap was carrying all of these babies. That women I had grown to love and trust were wrapping their cranky, sleepy, teething, clingy, lovey-dovey babies with the same wrap.

I mean seriously, though, isn't that kind of a beautiful thing??

Anyway, when Fiona returned home, she was offered for sale (with what we call "buyback dibs") by the owner.  We all knew we wanted to keep Fiona in the "family." LONG STORY SHORT (too late), the owner and I spoke and she offered to split the wrap with me, and have two ring slings made by a professional converter.

Well...my half arrived today.

As soon as I put Z (cranky, clingy and feverish as he gets over an ear infection) in the sling, he rested his head on my chest and sighed.  I got huge tears in my eyes and was barely able to snap this picture before I got ugly-cry-face going.

It's not just that it's a wrap. A beautiful one, at that.  It's also that this wrap has carried many of the 2013 Junebugs. It's been lovingly re-folded and packed and shipped all over the U.S.

And...if I'm being honest...it's also that the owner was willing to do this for me on a payment schedule that works for us. I'm lucky to have one wrap at all, and it just isn't prudent for us to spend money on more when my beautiful Indio is so versatile for us.

...but she knew how much Fiona means to me. She knows I'm one of the sappiest people ever, and her generosity, patience and kindness make me get all teary all over again.

I don't have many and will probably never have a large wrap stash. But the ones I have are definitely perma-stash.  They will be in my home long after my baby (babies, possibly...some day) is past the wrapping years.  Because they mean a lot to me, and they carry stories as well as babies.

Welcome home, Fiona.  We'll do you proud.

Glory Moments

I am a working mom.

I always knew I would be.

I can definitely see myself standing under that bizarre umbrella that is "an introvert with extroverted tendencies," I need my time at home and I need to get out of the house sometimes. I want to work, and I want to be proud of what I do. I want Z to be proud of me, too!

I'm lucky.  I truly, truly am.  I leave him every day at one of the best childcare facilities in our city and he is loved! His classmates smile and clap and make squeals of delight when they see him. His teachers call out his name in hearty greeting. He spends the day learning and playing and comes home filthy and happy and more confident. His teachers hug me when I tearfully ask them not to tell me when/if he takes his first steps there instead of at home...and they promise me that, as far as they are concerned, all milestones happen at home.

But still. It's so hard sometimes. This week in particular, I've become acutely aware of just how little time I (and millions of other working moms) get to spend with him on a normal weekday.  Half an hour to an hour in the morning, and 2/2.5 hours tops between pick-up and bedtime.

So we fill that time with hugs and giggles and stolen kisses (he's so busy; it's hard to catch him!) and songs and bath time and storybooks. 

My time with my family is so precious.  I know there are silver linings in every dark cloud.  While I may not be feeling particularly...fulfilled, professionally these days, I am definitely made more aware of every. single. moment. with my family.  In our short times together during the week and especially on the weekends.

A daily devotional I read calls them "glory moments."  Moments of gratitude and wonder and thankfulness.  These moments are what I live for, and they're what get me through every day.

Nothing is permanent; I know things can and will change.  But this week has been harder than usual.  And these last couple of months of transition and change have taught me that I have to find the joy where I can and not allow the frustration or the negativity to rule me. (I'm being vague, but I have to be. It's the smart, grown-up thing to do, right? RIGHT?)

The good news is, these moments are usually pretty easy to find...

The joy lives with me, with these two guys in my life.  The little one smiles and pats my face, and the bigger one holds me and tells me he supports me no matter what.

It's the glory moments that get me through....that fill in all the little cracks and holes between Monday at 8am and Friday at 5pm.

And they are wonderful.

Stitch Fix #5 - We have a WINNER!

Ladies and Gentlemen...we finally have a winner!

(For back story on my last two disappointing fixes, read here and here.  If you want to know what Stitch Fix is all about, read about my first fix here.  If you wanna try it for yourself, please use my referral link so I can hopefully get more clothes like these from Michel'Le, who should be my stylist FOREVER.)

So after the last (very disappointing) fix, I was ready to throw in the towel. However, I still had about $80 in referral credit sitting in my account, and I was NOT READY to give up on Stitch Fix.  Especially since the other mail-order-clothing option I was looking into, Gwynnie Bee, is more geared toward plus-sized women and I'm in this awful, in-between size that's not quite plus-sized but definitely not teeny tiny. 

So I scheduled my next fix for the next-closest date and, before I knew it, another box was on my doorstep. I let Z take a look at it first because what's more fun than a box to a one-year-old? NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT.

I opened the styling card first and let out a WHOOP of joy when I saw three dresses and two tops on the list.  THREE DRESSES.  FINALLY, someone was speaking my language!

Let me post the photos and just tell you that, with the exception of the black patterned shirt-dress (which just was TOO much pattern and simply did not fit my curves well), I would have kept everything in this box.  The colors were on point, and everything would have worked seamlessly into my wardrobe and fit my style.

Roma Cowl Neck Jersey Knit Top (Market and Spruce) - Despite how clingy the fabric of this blouse was, I LOVED it. I loved the drape and the color so much. It was quite thin, but cool and silky.  The price point was a little high (I think it was around $48) for just basically being a knit shirt.  But I did love it!

Lana Lace Detail V-Neck Tank (Pomelo) - This black and white sleeveless blouse with the embroidery detail was another instant like. I can't actually say that it's the most flattering thing I've ever put on, but it was comfortable and loose in a "problem" area for me...so it would have been perfect on bloaty days.
 

Joe 3/4 Tab Sleeve Shirt Dress (Renee C) - This dress was just all kinds of wrong and a "LOL NO" as soon as I put it on. It looked great on the card, and I wanted it to work just for its versatility (could wear it in at least 3 out of 4 seasons with the right accessories) but...no.  Darn.

Gillian Sleeveless Dress (Gilli) - THIS DRESS.  The color, the length, the silhouette! Joy! Instant winner. Wore it to work the very next day and got a million compliments.  (okay, not actually a million, but SEVERAL, and I felt awesome in it.)  This dress is so on point. It's perfectly ME, and it's age and work appropriate.

Carlita Multi Chevron Print Maxi Dress (Loveapella) - YOUGUYS, a Maxi dress that isn't too long! It's a Christmas-in-July miracle! Also colors I love.  If you zoom in (or click on the image for a larger version) you can actually see my swimsuit hanging on my closet door behind me and it's almost the exact same color palette.  The necklace I'm wearing is one I already own, and the color matched just perfectly. I know the beauty of maxi dresses is that you can wear them for pretty much any occasion, but I felt so super sexy and dressed up in this one (bonus: my husband loved this one) that I'm saving it for our upcoming date night.

So I ended up keeping just the two bottom dresses.  They were a little pricey so, even with my style credit I still had to come out of pocket some, but it was worth it because I will wear them often.  Plus...as cliche as this sounds...it's really hard to put a price on feeling amazing in an outfit.  So, it was worth it to me.

I'm officially back on the Stitch Fix bandwagon.  It is obviously ALL about the stylist.  The next time I'm able to afford a fix, I will ask specifically for Michel'Le to style me again! 

Z at ONE YEAR!

You guys, I have a one-year-old.

I don't have a newborn anymore.  I don't have a toddler yet, either, but he seems too grown-up and smart to call an infant anymore, either, so I'll just stick with what I'll probably call him for the rest of his life:  my baby.  My little boy.

On Monday, this little guy turned ONE YEAR OLD.

We had an awesome Rainbow Connection/Muppet-themed birthday party for him, and all our local family came and we had a great time.

Z LOVED his birthday smash cake, but he was MAD when we took it away (he seriously would have eaten the whole thing if we'd let him!)

I won't even pretend like I didn't cry a LOT this weekend.  Especially on Sunday night, the night before his first birthday, as I was giving him his nighttime bottle and holding him in my arms.  I couldn't help but marvel in how much bigger and sturdier he felt in my arms than he did a year ago.  How his features -- still rounded with that sweet baby fat -- are more distinct and how he's grown longer and leaner even in the past several months...

For some reason, it almost felt like the end of something...like I'd wake up the next morning and he'd be going to high school.  Just the panic of a mother who feels like the last year went by in the blink of an eye, even though there were days (and nights...ohhhh the nights sometimes) that felt as though they'd never end.

 

I remember panicking on his first night at home because he wouldn't stop crying.  He'd just eaten, but it didn't even occur to me that he might still be hungry.  I remember the day Michael and I just passed him back and forth while he screamed for six hours because I'd been snacking on raw broccoli, and that upset his stomach with each bottle of breastmilk he got.

I remember the pain and struggle of breastfeeding and the months of  recovery (physical and emotional) and it seems like a lifetime ago as I watch him laugh and make a HUGE mess out of everything he eats. 

I watch him take so much joy in watching ME smile and laugh when he hits a new milestone (rolling over, sitting up, pulling up, clapping, waving), as if he's saying "Watch me, Mommy! Oh isn't it cool that I can do this??" 

I still love wearing him.  He's much more comfortable on my back these days because he likes to look around, but sometimes those front snuggles are much needed for both of us.  Babywearing has been an amazing part of this first year, and I cannot thank my "Fairy WrapMothers" enough for letting me try out so many different, beautiful wraps!

Right now, he can:

• Say "da da" and "ma ma" (he says the former MUCH more often than the latter, but it's happened a few times)
• Wave "hi" and "bye"
• Clap his hands when we say "Yay!" or "Good job!"
• Crawl so fast
• Pull up on everything.  Will stand for VERY brief moments, but I don't think he realizes he's doing it.
• Shake his head "no"
• "Dance" to music
• Give kisses 

Loves:

•  Eating. He hasn't turned down a single thing we've offered him to eat! Lord help me when he's a teenager...
• The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
• Going on adventures (walks) with Daddy and Carmen
• Playing with his stacking toy
• Baths
• Playing with/terrorizing the dog

Every single day is a joy with him.  I won't lie -- I was not a fan of the newborn stage.  It was so hard.  But man...the more he grows and the more mobile he gets and the more personality he shows us, the more FUN we have every day.  Some days I could swear I have a different baby in the evening than I had just that morning!

Year #2 is bound to be even more exciting and joyful, and I cannot wait to continue to watch this sweet baby grow and learn...even if that means Mama sheds a few tears along the way.

Happy One Year to our darling, darling boy!

Stitch Fix #4

(I know I owe everyone a Z at One Year! post, and that'll be coming as soon as I stop sobbing over the fact that  my baby is just about to be toddler!)

Last week, during some unprecedented completely ALONE time while hubby and Z were on a road trip, and coming off a terrible stomach virus, I got a package on my doorstep with that familiar blue tape and got really excited that my latest Stitch Fix had arrived.  

My referral link -- you sign up, I get $25! Yay!

You may recall that I wasn't thrilled with everything in Stitch Fix #3 out of the box, but ended up polling the Facebook hive mind and keeping three things!  I got great feedback via email from the company, but....Stitch Fix #4 was, unfortunately, a disaster.  So much so that I wasn't even going to post photos, but I want to be honest about it.  However, I did not and will not post these photos on Facebook for the hive mind to weigh in.  One, because it didn't matter: I didn't like how any of the items FELT on me, and two, because it would come across as self-deprecation which I loathe.  I don't want a bunch of "oh but you look great (for just having had a baby) (a year ago)!" because it makes me feel weird.

My biggest issue with the Stitch Fixes right now is that what I see online (via customer blogs that they post or that the company itself posts on Instagram) doesn't match what I see in my fixes.  I LONG for some of the A-line dresses and skirts and even some of the pants.  But my stuff always seems really kind of boring.  Maybe that's just really good marketing, which, hey -- good for them! I mean at the end of the day I still ordered another fix because a) I really want to love it and b) I still have referral credit $ hanging out.

Also, I'm frustrated that I keep getting a different stylist.  That may be because I don't have monthly fixes set up, and I can totally understand that!  But I honestly can't afford to pay the styling fee every month, let alone the cost of clothing every month.  Not with daycare costs.  Even getting the fix feels like a Mommy luxury and I have buyer's remorse and guilt.  But that's my issue!

Ricardo (the stylist for this fix) got it WAY wrong this time.  He mentioned putting in "working mom" looks, but honestly?

Believe me when I say this was the ONE photo in a long line of selfies that I deleted.

 What 32-year-old working mom is going to wear a FITTED, short, horizontally striped, sleeveless dress? It's super cute -- for a 22-year-old. Even with a cardigan and heels, it'd be too short.  That's not even to mention the fact that it hugs me in the WORST possible place (mid-section) when my Style Profile clearly states that I like "fitted on top, loose on the bottom" because I'm still "self conscious about my tummy after having a baby."  Total fail.

On the other hand...

This tunic, while I LOVED the color (kind of a bright tangerine/pink) and pattern (mini Chevrons), it is completely shapeless and wrinkled if I looked at it funny.  And it's hand-wash only.  Not many working moms have a) the time or b) the clean tub needed to hand-wash clothing.  Sigh.  Back in the box, too.

HOWEVER -- unless it seems like I'm just totally bashing Stitch Fix, which I don't mean to do ("I'm not mad; just disappointed!")....these shorts were a contender.  I didn't like the fit of either of these tops they sent (too small by just enough, and too pricey for what I thought the material warranted), but when I paired them with one of my own t-shirts, I actually considered keeping them.

Over it. Sad.

I actually said "UGGGGHHHHHHH" (direct quote) when I pulled a pair of SHORTS out of the box.  I don't have the time or the webspace to talk about my long-standing rocky relationship with shorts. I have awful, short legs and quite a bit of junk in the trunk, so shorts-shopping (along with swimsuit shopping and jeans shopping) is high on the Suicide Watch list.  HOWEVER, imagine my surprise when they both fit over my thighs AND buttoned without cutting me in half!

Truth: if they'd been a) pants or b) a different color, I'd have kept them. I saw on another Blogger's Fix that she got a pair of red, ankle-length skinny pants in this same brand and I was like "WHY NOT ME?!"  They looked awesome.

So anyway.  Sad.  Back in the bag everything went and back to the Stitch Fix HQ.  I immediately scheduled another fix for many reasons:

• I really love the idea of the company.  I really, really do.  I still pimp it out! I just warn curvier girls not to get their hopes up too high...my body shape must be hard to style, and I get that.
• I don't give up on things or people easily
• They have GREAT customer service and excellent response via their email/social media team!
• I still have referral credit and I really want to get some new pieces.

I also went and double-checked my style profile, made a few tweaks, and was very honest in my feedback.  I wish I could go out there on one of those Blogger trips and SHOW them how bodies like mine -- real, postpartum everyday mom bodies; not just the cute bloggers with fancy cameras -- are tough to style and what things to avoid and what things to ALWAYS SEND. 

But as always, I am hopeful. Here's to Stitch Fix #5 being AWESOME.  :)