Pup Surgery

 

Last Friday, my sweet little pit bull Carmen had surgery to repair a torn ACL. For almost a month we had known it was partially torn, and we'd been doing everything we could per the vet's instructions to keep it from tearing completely.  Then, Christmas happened.  Lots of people and changes from routines and, somehow, in the middle of all the madness, she tore it completely.

 

The drive home from the vet's office after picking her up from her surgery was heartbreaking (see above). She laid like that on the seat next to me and just cried.  My dog never cries.  She doesn't whine or complain much at all, but this was heart-wrenching. Of course, with my dog being my baby and the actual baby inside me producing crazy hormones, I cried too. Wept. The whole way home.

That was a bad, bad night.  We were instructed to make sure she was confined ("strict confinement" was what we were told) and to keep her from licking the bandages.  So, for most of the night we just watched her and tried to make her comfortable. She kept crying, and she had a wild, crazed look in her eyes from all the medication. Poor pup was strung. out.

At bedtime, I decided to stay out in the living room with her, where her crate was. We put her cone on her and put her in the crate, and my husband went to bed. She couldn't figure out how to lay down with the cone on, even when I showed her, and she started panicking. 

Mostly because I was worried she'd puke in her cone or have a total anxiety attack, but also because I'm a bleeding heart, I took her out of the crate and took her cone off her.  We laid on the floor together, but every time she would fall asleep and I'd try to Ninja my pregnant self off the floor and onto the couch, she'd wake up and whine again.

The vet's office told us not to put her on furniture in case she jumped down, but whatever...I know my dog. She needed SLEEP. At 5am, I climbed up into our big chaise, picked her up with me, and put her on my chest, with her bandaged leg stretched out. After a few minutes, she fell asleep right on my chest, and I did soon after.  We slept like that for 3 hours.

I woke up my husband -- coffee at the ready -- at 9 and asked him to take the morning shift so I could SLEEP. Our  baby girl was in much better spirits.

 

After a few stressful days of wearing the cone pictured above, we discovered that it was too small, and she was able to reach her bandages and lick them incessantly.  Pain in the ass. We already felt like we had to watch her constantly without the cone...but now we couldn't leave her alone WITH the cone.  Plus, we confined her to a spare room each night, where she would whine. Incessantly.

Yesterday, we went to have her bandages removed.  And she got a brand. new. e-collar.  Check out the look on her face below. I died laughing when they brought her out wearing it. Apparently it needed to be way past her nose, so she couldn't get to her leg with the sutures now exposed.

However, as much as she acted all awkward and pitiful, she finally got tired and found a way to lay down...and she did. not. move. for four hours. She slept so long and so hard that I actually went over and put my hands on her belly a few times to make sure she was still breathing.  Poor baby.  She had a much better night last night, and I was actually able to come to work guilt- and worry-free today.  I REALLY don't think she'll be able to get to her sutures with this cone on, and she seems to whine more when she knows we're in the house but she can't get to us.

So now we just have to put up with this big, floppy, awkward cone for another 5-7 days.

The hardest part for her is not being able to sit and cuddle with us...me especially.  She's been incredibly clingy with me ever since I got pregnant, and now she can't get close. It's hard on her AND hard on me.  But we can do it.

Being Pregnant in the Internet Age (or, "Did you realize you were stupid?")

Before I get too far into this blog post, let me just reiterate from this post that I think any newly pregnant woman needs to STAY OFF THE INTERNETS during her first trimester. I wasn't able to. I wish I had been. My anxiety was through the ROOF because of the wealth of information (some of it helpful, most of it unnecessarily frightening) available to me.  Just...don't do it to yourself.

However, as you (as I have done) progress through your pregnancy and become more comfortable with it (and less afraid that something randomly terrible will happen) (LESS -- not completely unafraid), the Internet can be helpful, sure.  But mostly for me?  It's just been HIGHLY amusing.

The thing is, if you're a social media addict like I am, you are going to share a lot of your pregnancy. Your Pinterest board will be public. You will post photos of your baby's room fabric on Facebook and Instagram. You'll tweet your #PregnantTweet hashtagged tweets about how you'd seriously pay someone a hundred dollars if they could tell you what could make you have a healthy and non-painful poop. 

When you do that, you have to be open to and accepting of the fact that you're going to get reactions.  And while most of them are going to be plain old "likes" and "favorites," you're going to get negative reactions and opinions as well.  For the most part, I've been able to either avoid or ignore any free advice or "well when I was pregnant..." annoyances, but that could just be because I'm either a) awesome or b) at least awesome at picking friends.

I've also learned to use hashtags such as #PregnantTweet, or repin with the words PINNING NOW WILL READ LATER, which have been pretty good disclaimers for "HEY FOLKS if you don't wanna read this, keep scrolling" and/or "I REALIZE YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T DO IT THIS WAY BUT THIS ARTICLE LOOKS INTERESTING AND I'D LIKE TO READ IT."

But more than anything else online...more than any. other. pregnancy source online....sweet Jesus, the forums/message boards.

I mean. Really.

I know I'm generalizing the women who post on them, but there is enough evidence to support my theory that some of these crazies are spoiled, pretentious and/or downright hateful. First of all, I check my boards (I stick to the "Due in June 2013" boards so that we're all going through the same basic time frame) maybe once a week.  Maybe. Secondly, I"m pretty sure I'm on the least crazy board. I've checked out some of the topic-specific ones, and...yikes.

VERY QUICK CAVEAT -- I know they are helpful to some. But really.  You HAVE to take them with a grain of salt. There are some nice people on there, and there are those who can answer without being snarky.

So, without any further ado (there is a lot of ado up there) (heh...DOO) (POOP!)...

What I've Learned from Message Boards

• You're a terrible person who is going to make personally sure that the future of the human race dies out if you do anything but follow the CDC-recommended vaccination schedule. Your personal choices do not matter. You are a bad mother, and will be the person cited in history books as the Mother of the Child who Started the Black Death for Babies
• Strollers are the devil.  I mean, how DARE you use a stroller in the store where I am shopping?! I am wearing my baby in an ergonomically designed paisley wrap reminiscent of the womb, though my child be 2 years old and punching me in the boobs and squirming, but AT LEAST I am not cluttering up the aisles of Target with my stroller. 
• Oh, you're a FTM?  That's First Time Mom, darling.  Oh, you haven't learned all the acronyms yet? *twittering laugh* Well, you'll be better once you've BTDT a few times like me. My DD and my DS and my DH don't know that I AW via PIP photos of my U/S and the BFP on my urine-soaked pregnancy test.
• You asked the same question as a person did YESTERDAY.  You are WASTING space on this board, just scroll through the 5 pages of posts from this morning and see if you can't find the answer to your ANNOYINGLY REPEATED QUESTION that someone else asked yesterday.
• What, you are a FTM and wishing you had more pregnancy symptoms?  What are you, stupid? You WISH you had MS (no, not multiple sclerosis, sweetie, it's "morning sickness") or tiredness just so you'd actually feel pregnant?  You are so selfish.  Don't you know that I can't peel my body off the cold linoleum of my bathroom until 3pm?!
• The best way to find out if you're pregnant is NOT to get a test, or call your doctor, but instead to ask the Message Board community. Let us know when your last period was and how sexually active you are, and we'll tell you if you're pregnant or not. (for this one, I'm laughing at the poster, not the responses...the responses are generally an eye roll and a "pee on a stick, dummy" variety)
• Your husband really should buy you a "Push Present" as a gift for having to go through the hassle of a) getting pregnant, b) bearing the burden for 9 months, c) pushing a baby out of your body/having a baby cut out of your body, or d) all of the above. Diamonds would be nice, but I'll take semi-precious stones as well. I've left a list of my preferences, along with photos and my ring size on top of the copy of "The Bro's Guide to Parenthood" I put on his nightstand.
• You're having a baby shower?! REALLY? Goodness, what a tacky and outdated tradition. The games are stupid, and you just look spoiled and gift-grabby sitting there opening all those gifts like that.  At least have the decency to open them after everyone leaves.

 ....and that's just a random sampling.

Look...I'm obviously exaggerating a tiny bit just for the sake of humor and, like I said, message boards can be helpful sometimes.  It is nice to see that someone else is literally peeing every 5 minutes, and would give up their left arm just for one good fart to relieve the gas pain.  But really, overall, it's a group of NOT DOCTORS who are giving you their very personal (and sometimes/often misguided) opinions.

Just...tread carefully.

Choose your resources carefully.  Wondering if your cramped up toes are normal or weird? Ask your friends!! It's hard to ask Moms/Aunts/Grandmas sometimes because they had babies longer ago, and a lot of resources and technologies have changed...but their reassurance can be wonderful, too.  But your friends who have very recently had babies can really be a treasure trove of information and help or even just a sympathetic ear.

Better than that? Go to WebMD or a research-based medical website or journal to get the serious questions answered. 

Better still and the choice I recommend the most?  Turn off the computer and call your OB's office. You won't be the most annoying person that calls their office, I promise.  And they know that it's scary and weird and new (especially the first time), and they should be willing to help you come to a solution or an answer. If they don't do so willingly and kindly, find a new doctor.  Seriously.

Just know that the Internet is...well, the Internet. It's where we get the EHRMAGERD! girl, Twilight fanfiction, and a dancing Asian man who taught us all to Gangnam Style.  Is that really where you want to get your pregnancy advice and information?

Farewell 2012

2012 officially ends (here in Central Standard Time anyway) in 5 hours and 14 minutes.  It's been...one hell of a year.  The above compilation just came from my phone's camera roll, and is just a small sampling of what this year has held for me. I'm going to see what I can remember based on photos and my own memory...and Facebook's timeline feature (hey! it is good for something!)...but I do love doing these end of the year posts, so just bear with  me.

January
* Rang in 2012 with my husband and some great friends at a low-key party.  Was probably home by 12:30am. 

* Performed in the ensemble of Kismet in concert with Lyric Stage.

* Saw The Civil Wars and The Staves live in concert at the House of Blues in Dallas, Texas.
 
February
* Was honored as a small part of the Denton Women's Collective by the City of Flower Mound for bringing the Finding Kind documentary into the local high school.

* Deactivated my Facebook account for the month, just to take some time away from all the online drama.

March
* Said goodbye to the "family dog" -- my mom and stepdad's dog, Deogee.  He was a good boy up until the very end.

* Made my Assistant Director (and sound designer) debut with Dog Sees God, and also played the role of Van's sister. A very special show to me, and a moment of great personal pride as an artist.

* Donated my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths

April
* Welcomed my beautiful and hilarious baby niece into the world.

* Renovated my bathroom.  Well...I supervised and picked out colors. Professionals did the dirty work.

* Discovered Seryn.

May
* Was honored to edit the first draft of a manuscript by the recently agented and up-and-coming YA author Kelsey.

*  Enjoyed Twilight Tunes with friends and the Andrew Tinker Band -- what is becoming a spring tradition.

June
* Entered a Jason Robert Brown karaoke competition and was complimented by the composer himself!

* One word: OKLAHOMA.

* Directed one and acted in another staged reading for DCT's Method & Madness Playwriting Festival.

* Was named a Star Performer at my job.

July
* Found and rescued an abandoned pit bull named Baby with my husband.  Nothing made me happier than the day that the Denton Animal Shelter announced she was adopted!!

* Attended my first SOFAR show.

* Watched a spectacular(ly lousy) fireworks show with my handsome husband.

August
* Began rehearsals for The Most Happy Fella.

* Celebrated my best friend's 30th birthday by seeing Hairspray (brilliantly music-directed by my talented and dedicated husband).

September
* Celebrated four years of marriage to my best pal.

* Sent a friend off to Spain -- my carpool buddy for every Lyric show, my favorite gay husband, my friend...Tyler.

* Performed in The Most Happy Fella, made all new friends, met the composer's widow.

October
* Turned 31! Celebrated at Spiral Diner and the Dallas Arboretum. And got beautiful flowers from my husband.

* Voted early. And for the first time ever.

* Saw Seryn for the first time in concert -- and twice in one weekend. It was life-changing.

* Found out the best news EVER:

November and December

Yes, I'm getting lazy. I've been sitting here for two hours now.  But honestly, November and December have been a lot of family time, holiday fun, preparing myself for this pregnancy, and just reflecting on the past year and getting ready for the next.

2012 has brought MANY opportunities...new friends...changes...loss...heartache...unspeakable joy...and I'm thankful for ALL of it. 

I hope that, no matter how you feel about 2012 -- sad to see it go, or ready to kiss it GOODBYE -- that you have taken something with you from this year that you will carry forever.  Joys and Pains -- they all continue to strengthen and build up our character.

Thank you for being a part of my year.

Pregnancy Post -- When does it get fun?

This post may be a little grinchy and whiny...

I've been wanting to post another "hey, here's how things are going!" post after my first one about a month ago, but I've been putting it off for several reasons:

• I am superstitious and wanted to wait til I had another doctor's appointment and confirmed the baby was still doing well (this is also why I JUST sent out Christmas cards yesterday).
• I've been busy at work.
• I don't have a lot to say that's cheerful and excited.

That third bullet up there is what's bothering me the most.

I am officially 14 weeks pregnant today.  I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday of this week, at which my husband and I heard the baby's heartbeat via Doppler.  I wasn't overcome with joy, though. I was just RELIEVED.  I needed proof and evidence that the baby was still alive and kicking (though I can't feel it yet) inside me. It took the doctor a few seconds to find the baby and the heartbeat, which I'm sure is perfectly normal this early, and my husband said he could tell by my body language that with each passing second I was starting to panic until I finally heard that galloping noise.

We had lunch together yesterday, and we had a lot to say about how we're feeling about this pregnancy.  At one point the question came up, "We are excited about this, aren't we?"  Of course we are! We planned this and prayed about it and cannot wait to be parents.  It's just...well, I'm not going to speak for him on this, but for me it's just that I don't feel emotionally connected to this pregnancy.

Everyone seems more excited about it than we are, which, in turn, makes me feel super guilty and lazy.

I started crying at lunch because I told Michael all I have been truly focusing on have been the more negative things:

• The fear. 
• The annoyance when people brush off or invalidate my fear (i.e., "Oh it's fine, stop worrying.").
• The loss of control over my body and my hormones (i.e., the exhaustion, the gag reflex that seems to sit right behind my teeth and seems to be getting worse rather than better, the little sharp pains here and there, the emotions GOD THE EMOTIONS).
• The fact that I have to remind myself "Oh right...I'm pregnant" sometimes.
• The weight gain that isn't quite cute yet.

What's wrong with me??  I prayed fervently yesterday morning when the dog woke me up at 5am and I couldn't fall back asleep...I prayed that I'd feel happier and more excited.  I prayed that I will feel this baby move sooner than "normal" so I can have a daily reminder that it's there.  I prayed that I'd let go of my anxiety and fear and the desperate need for tangible proof that this is actually happening...

(Which of course leads me to thoughts of faith in general.  Why do I need evidence to believe?  Why am I so convinced that something bad is going to happen? I don't generally live my life in fear...that's not who I am.  If anything, I'm usually kind of a "Well, there's nothing I can do about it, so whatever happens happens" type of person.  I do get anxiety, sure, but this is brand new [as it should be...I've never been pregnant before] stuff.)

I also just overall feel really really guilty that I'm not sitting around feeling like Mother Earth here, all peaceful and serene and rubbing my belly happily.  I may be one of those women who just views pregnancy as a means to an end, and all of this will seem silly and crazy and hormonal once I'm holding my baby.  I'm aware of that.

I'm just ready for it to get fun.  To feel as excited as everyone is around me, and not take their excitement for me away with my Charlie Brown attitude about all of this. 

It just still doesn't feel real.  Whine whine whine.  Maybe putting this "out there" will help, and I'll feel stupid for publishing it in a couple of days when I feel completely different.  Here's hoping!

Friend-Makin' Mondays -- 12 in 2012

I'm really bad about doing FMM posts, but this is a good one. I like reflecting on the year as it comes to a close, so thanks Kenlie for giving me an early chance to!

Twelve in 2012

1. What was your greatest personal accomplishment in 2012? I grew up a lot. I know that seems...too general, or something, but I really did. I ran smack into a brick wall of realization of just how much my selfishness was hurting my life, my friendships and my marriage, and I stopped being so selfish. I can honestly say that 2012 has been the best year of my life.

2. What’s the best thing your did for your health? I stopped drinking sodas and booze back in May, and started eating much more naturally.  As a result, I lost about 25 lbs and quickly.  My skin and hair look better, even. Just goes to show how much that stuff harms your body.  I'm not saying I'll never have another Dr. Pepper or Shiner, but I will definitely monitor my intake a LOT more now.

3. Share one thing that caused a significant change in your life this year. Well, see #1 first. I had my eyes opened to the importance of what I have in my life right now, and the addition of a few key people and some key choices (see #8 and #2, respectively) have just really improved my quality of life in general.  But I'm going to cheat since those are all other numbers on this survey and pick one more thing: getting pregnant.

4. List a few things that you experienced for the first time at some point over the last twelve months.  

• I assistant directed and sound-designed my first show.
• I directed my very first show alone (a staged reading, but still).
• I got pregnant.
• I earned a Star Performer award where I work.
• I finally saw SERYN in concert! THREE TIMES!  And maybe once more on December 30th!

5. What was the coolest place you visited? Sadly, I don't think I traveled at ALL this year! But, my husband and I visited the Dallas Arboretum this past fall and saw a really cool Chihuly glass exhibit.  We don't really get out and take advantage of our local attractions that much, and I hope we'll change that, especially once the BabyMonster arrives.

6. If you could change one thing about the last year what would it be?....I honestly don't think I'd change a thing.

7. What is the best meal you ate this year? I have no idea.  Food doesn't stick out to me really, when I think of the year.  But, seeing as how I'm starving right now and I'm ALWAYS starving, I'm gonna go with "the lunch I'm about to have."

8. Tell us about a new friend you made.  Savannah and Erica, my Oklahomies. Changed my life. Seriously.

9. What did you hope to accomplish this year that you did not? I was hoping to get back into running, and maybe direct one more show.  But I'm not upset that neither of those things happened.

10. Share something you learned in 2012. Putting others before myself truly does make me happier. Especially when those others are my husband, my family, and my close friends.

11. Share an odd and unexpected thing that you experienced this year. I got pregnant.  Is that answer old yet? GET OVER IT. 

12. How do you think 2013 will differ from 2012?  I'm going to have a BABY. A small spawn of me and my husband completely taking over my life.  And I cannot wait.

Why I'm Cautiously Excited About the Les Miserables movie

Let me just start out by saying two very important things:

1.) I can be a bit of an asshole about the arts, and most people are going to disagree with this blog.  If that's why you're here, save your breath, because I've heard it before.  I realize that, when it comes to music and acting, I can be a purist to the point of being obnoxious (see also: my recent Facebook rant about Carrie Underwood playing Maria in The Sound of Music).  Usually I just keep quiet and only vent my opinions on to people who tend to agree with me because, otherwise it's just a giant exercise in futility.

2.) Les Miserables is probably #1 on my list of Favorite Musicals. I love it.  Even (maybe even especially) that 10 year anniversary recording with Michael Ball in all of his schmaltzy freakin' glory and Colm Wilkinson's ridiculously thick Scottish accent.

There, now that that's out of the way, and just before we get into the meat & potatoes of this blog, here's the extended international trailer for the Les Mis movie (top), and an inside look, going behind-the-scenes and explaining why this particular movie musical is different from any others before it (bottom):

Still with me?  Okay. 

Let me just start by saying that I flipped my lid (with joy!) when I saw the first teaser trailer for this film.  When I heard Anne Hathaway's heartbreaking rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" in that clip, I was one of the few musical theatre performers/fans who did not get upset about her choice to not belt it to the back wall, as the song is usually performed. There was a general outcry of "NO! THAT SONG SHOULD BE BELTED!" from fans everywhere, but I was intrigued. It made the hair on my arms stand up and brought tears to my eyes.

(See? That right there should tell you that I'm open to new interpretations of my favorite music!)

As longer trailers were released, and the above clip going inside the making of the film made the rounds on the Interwebs, I got more and more excited.  I am especially excited about the way the songs were filmed -- LIVE.  There was no recording that happened months before filming started, to which the actors would lip synch during filming.  Ohhhhh no. They are singing LIVE, y'all.  They wore earpieces on set, through which they heard an accompanist playing live, and there was a direct relationship happening between singer and music. The orchestra was filled in later, during editing and post-production.

This is groundbreaking for a movie musical, and I'm thrilled about it. It's about as close to a stage performance as a movie musical will come, as they still film out of order and do several takes, which never happens in a live stage performance.

However.

At a recent showing of the movie Lincoln (excellent film, by the way), I saw the extended international trailer (the first clip above) and my heart sank a little when I heard clips of Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman singing. Especially Crowe.  Remember Pierce Brosnan in the film version of Mamma Mia? Handsome, renowned actor...had no business being in a musical.  None. That's kind of what I'm worried about with these two men.

Now before you get all defensive...I'm well aware of Hugh Jackman's musical theatre resumé.  I've heard him sing, and he's not bad at all in the things he's done.  But is he Valjean-worthy?  Hmmm.  Time will tell. So, you people who get your undies in a wad and sputter at me that "Hugh Jackman is classically trained, Mandy!" just...calm yourselves.  I want him to do well.  Truly.  But even "classically trained" singers struggle with "Bring Him Home." That sumbitch is high.

As for Crowe, the only thing I've heard is that he has a "musical background."  Sheesh.  That doesn't tell me much.  A quick glance at Wikipedia shows me that he was in The Rocky Horror Show as Eddie/Dr. Scott at some point, and that he's done a lot of recording/performing as a non-classical singer.  Pop, rock, whatever. 

For someone who's used to this performance by Javert, I think I'm justified in being a little worried:

I mean, I didn't even like Norm Lewis as Javert in the 25th Anniversary Concert version of Les Mis, and a LOT of people loved him.  See? I'm an asshole about my singer-actors, especially in Les Mis.  And just don't get me started on Nick Jonas, ok?  Just...don't.

Also...does it not seem a tiny bit fishy to anyone else that with huge names like Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe, the marketing campaign for this movie has been centered around Anne Hathaway?  The actress who is already getting Oscar buzz just based on a few clips from trailers and from those lucky enough to have attended pre-screenings?  Just something to think about...

As for the other actors chosen...I am pretty stoked about Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter as the Thénardiers, and Aaron Tveit as Enjolras (my favorite character!).  I don't know much about Eddie Redmayne (Marius), but he seems like he'll be fine. I liked Samantha Banks (Eponine) in the 25th Anniversary Concert, though she does get a little poppy at times for my personal taste.  Amanda Seyfried and her tinny little voice and fast vibrato will probably annoy me, but Cosettes usually annoy me, and the best one ever was Judy Kuhn anyway.

Here are my final thoughts. I'm not so much of a musical purist that I think opera singers need to play all of the classical-type singing roles in musical theatre (or film adaptations, in this case). Hell, a lot of times the best singers in the world can be some of the worst actors!

There are times when an actor will be so very good that I will forget about the voice, or that I'll even prefer their interpretation of the song.  Again, Anne Hathaway, ladies and gentlemen.  I know the girl can sing.  Do I usually prefer a little more power behind Eponine? Sure.  But she's still making such excellent acting choices and still staying true to the integrity of the song and the character.  And that is the most important thing to me -- not the level of technique in the vocal performance.  But rest assured that the vocal performance is only a very close second.  It's so close it's almost tied.  Why? Because it's a musical. And the music, in musical, should be the first priority.  Crazy talk, I know!  If even the most world-renowned, award-winning actor can't carry a tune, I'm going to hate his or her performance in a musical, most likely.

Also, let me be clear once again that I am very excited for this movie.  I'm going in with moderate expectations, though.  Expect a follow-up post on this blog once I've seen the movie 2-3 times (which is gonna be the bare minimum, methinks).

No Shame November -- Theatre

Man, I've been putting this one off.  I have no idea how to talk about theatre without this being an incredibly long and only-interesting-to-other-theatre-people post.  I'll try really really hard to make sense and be fairly succinct.

I will always remember my very first theatre audition (school doesn't count for me, because we just did One Act Play, and we just kinda signed up for it and the teacher put us in the roles she thought we'd be best in...even if that meant you were backstage pressing play on the tape player).  It was for The Sound of Music at Denton Community Theatre, and I was in the 6th grade.  I stood on the stage, squeeeeeeezed my eyes shut, and sang "Edelweiss" with my eyes closed the entire time.

I wasn't cast.  Obviously. 

Quick side note -- I am quite close now with the woman who directed that very production, and I recently reminded her of that story and she laughed and laughed.  I've come a bit more out of my shell since that audition.

Since then, I've been in over 20-something productions, from ensemble chorus member to bit part to leading role and from volunteer community theatre to grassroots, guerilla theatre company to a regional, professional stage (that was not in order of importance, by the way; just in order of when I did them, really). 

Theatre has been the best and worst part of my life since I started.  "Worst" seems a bit dramatic, so let me rephrase and say that it has had the potential (and has sometimes achieved) to bring out the worst parts of me and my character.  My vanity.  My need for validation. My selfishness. Even those of us who do it just for the love of the art and not as a career choice still feel fiercely competitive and want the roles we want.  We also want good reviews.  We're obsessive and one-track-minded.

Here's the part where I'd really like to talk about how theatre can also provide a very false sense of closeness with others (friends and showmances) that can end up really hurting you and your other relationships, but I feel like I've talked about that before and that's not what I want this post to be about.  I want this post to be about the things about theatre I LOVE.

So, starting with the Mandy now, who has worked very hard to try to achieve a balance between her personal/professional life and her theatre life so that the former is never prioritized lower than the latter, and who has gotten much choosier about her projects (and will have to continue to be once the babe is born)...here is a quick, bulleted list about theatre in my own life:

• Theatre has given me incredible confidence.
• I've had some of the most amazing theatre experiences just in the past year, because I've branched out and stepped outside my comfort zone.
• Café des Artistes, Dog Sees God and The Glass Menagerie did more for me as an actor than anything I did pre-2011. Because of my directors, my fellow actors, and my own willingness to be 100% vulnerable.
• I don't think I'm a great actor...but I'm a thoughtful actor. I know my backgrounds and my subtexts and I make good decisions.
• I think I'm very easy to direct.  I don't think this has always been true, but I think I can say, with confidence, that I am now.
• I LOVE directing, which is a fairly new realization. I think I'm a potentially very good director. I just need more opportunities.
• I think I'll be a better director than actor.
• I think I'm a really good singer, but that I relied on that for way too long, when I could've really been working on my acting.
• I've met a lot of really fun people, but only a handful of truly amazing, lifelong friends.  Finding out the difference between the two was (and is) hard.
• I've had some amazing teachers/mentors/directors who have taught me so much.
• I intend to direct a musical in 2014 with my husband as musical director and the Babymonster as the official show cheerleader/groupie.
• I believe I was created to do this...to create.  I like how that sounds: Created to Create.
• You can be a Christian, a good wife, and a good person and a good friend and still do theatre. It's hard, but it can be done.
• I love seeing good theatre.  This doesn't actually happen as often as I'd like.
• I hope that theatre and performance and art are always a huge part of my life and our family.  I met my husband at an audition, after all, and I think it's been fated all along. 
• I'm working on writing/developing a script.
• If you want to create, do it. I'm working with a group of actors to put together a staged reading of a play we all love, but have no current options of auditioning for it locally. Make art happen.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, 2010 (Muriel)

Snoopy, the Musical, 2011 (Peppermint Patty)

Dog Sees God, 2012 (Van's Sister)

Café des Artistes, 2011 (Actor/Writer/Collaborator)

Clipped, 2012 (Director)

The Most Happy Fella, 2012 (Ensemble)

Show Boat, 2004 (Ellie May Chipley)

The Producers, 2010 (Ulla)

Oklahoma!, 2012 (Ensemble)

The Glass Menagerie, 2011 (Laura Wingfield)