June 16, 2010
Something this morning clicked in my brain and I suddenly thought "Oh my God...I think it was exactly six months ago that I had the Day of Reckoning." I checked the calendar and....yep. Six months ago today was the first One for Mahler performance...the photos and videos of said performance are what completely shattered my self-esteem.
As I looked at them in bed late that night, my high from a successful performance completely brought back down to Earth, I asked myself "Who is that girl? That cannot be me." But it was.
For whatever reasons/excuses I would like to give myself, I had let myself put on 40lbs in the 8 years since I met my husband. When we met, I weighed 170lbs. You do the math. It's not pretty, trust me. But, I'm transparent about it because I have to be. I have to be honest with myself to others whom I trust and upon whom I rely for constant support and encouragement.
People like my husband, who asked "what can I do?" and I had to answer "NOTHING. Please don't baby me or tell me I look great" and probably sound really really bitchy in the process. Michael has put up with my angry days when I would step over his dead body for a slice of pizza, and he's also been very good about not complaining as I began to cook healthier meals and stocking the pantry and refrigerator with healthier snacks for the BOTH of us.
People like Kelsey, who was a godsend to me on December 17th when, red-eyed and depressed, I cried to her over Instant Messenger about my deeply-rooted desire to make changes. Kelsey has been there for me since that very moment, encouraging me and being my friend, cheerleader, and coach.
People like Kevin, who do not let me wallow in my down days. Who tell me to stop my bitching and go do something about it. To stop focusing on my plateaus and remember how far I've come since I started.
People like Dennis, Jimmy and Kelly, Heather, Nicci and Sarah, who keep up with me on Twitter and keep me motivated and encouraged with health tips and blogs and general awesomeness.
People like Rachel, Kathy, Helina, Ashley, Amelia, OLIVIA -- who are taking their own weight loss journeys at the same time. It excites the hell out of me to see their results, too!
People like Justin, Ashley, Stephanie -- the three people I talk to DAILY that just keep my spirits up and get me through each day.
People like Anna, who is just generally awesome and who is walking The 3-Day with me in a few months! Eeeek!
The COUNTLESS friends on Facebook who are always quick to comment and give me the boost I need and the reminder that what I'm doing IS making a difference.
*cue get the F offstage music from the orchestra pit*
I know, I know. And I left about a gazillion people out of that. Please don't be offended -- you know who you are. And I love you.
As I reflected upon the past six months this morning, I got a little perspective.
I have lost 30lbs in six months. That averages out to 5 pounds per month. I know it hasn't been exactly that way, but it made me stop to think. It's NOT a quick-fix. It's NOT going to happen overnight. It's NOT going to be easy. I didn't put on 40lbs in six weeks. I put it on over time. Over years of bad habits and a basically sedendtary lifestyle. So what makes ANYONE think that it's going to come off quickly and easily? It's not.
But is anything WORTH having acquired easily? I don't think so.
So...30lbs in 6 months. I can see the difference. I haven't been able to STOP looking at the difference all day in these two photos.
I can't WAIT to see what I can achieve in the next 6 months!