No....surely that was just a bad picture, right? So I went to the videos that had been recorded of me singing. Here are some screen shots (that I hate):
Hmmm...but! But! But I'd just seen the rehearsal pics and those weren't so bad, right? WRONG:
I honestly saw myself in REALITY for the first time in a loooong time. I saw a girl I barely recognized. I saw someone that I knew wasn't what I'd been telling myself I saw in the mirror for the past year(s). I proceeded to cry until about 2am, and then the next day, after a long, tearful conversation with my sweet Kelsey, I decided to make the change to change.
That weekend, I bought a scale and weighed myself. The verdict? A frightening and unhealthy 210lbs.
WHAT?! I am 5'3" so there is no way that is healthy. I was in a size 16 pants and wearing size XL tops and dresses. And I was miserable.
So I made a change. I started counting my calories. I started exercising. I registered for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure. I set goals (one of which was to lose 40lbs by the next December 16th). I made progress:
I got more confidence in myself, and I was finally able to fall in love onstage*:
Are you noticing a trend?
Man...it was a good year... ;)
I played a role that I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS thought I'd get to play (Ulla in The Producers):
Now my video screen shots were a LOT more appealing:
My best gal pal Anna and I walked 60 miles in November for an amazing cause:
And while last year's holiday portraits were a precursor to The Day of Reckoning (when I first started noticing that I was a lot bigger than I allowed myself to believe):
I'd say this year's show a tremendous amount of improvement and a MUCH HAPPIER me:
My friend, photographer, and one of my biggest cheerleaders, Lynn Michelle, took a few very sexy photos of me to help commemorate the occasion of a year of weight loss:
It's been quite a year. Back when I wrote my Half-Fitaversary post, I thanked a WHOLE bunch of people, without whom I couldn't have done what I did this year. Just go read that post...and even if you're not on there, you reading this allows you to assume you are STILL one of those for whom I am thankful.
I do have to kinda play favorites though...Kelsey and Michael. Seriously I couldn't have done it without the two of them. Kelsey talked me off of SO many ledges this year and celebrated the tiniest victories (1 lb of weight loss per week, etc) as though they were MONUMENTAL.
My sweet husband put up with the very very worst of me, when I'd be ANGRY-hungry (you know what I mean). He also was very sweet about eating what I would cook...and about not making any kinds of comments ("oh a few won't hurt you!") when I avoided chips and salsa, cheese fries, etc. He is a KEEPER.
I really am thrilled with how far I've come in a year...but I am disappointed that I allowed myself to get so comfortable and lazy, especially once I wasn't in a show (and especially since the 3-Day ended, when I've pretty much been anti-exercise at all after the toll it took on my body).
I haven't gained anything back and I continue to be in smaller clothes, but I would have liked to have reached my goal. BUT! I am not discouraged! NOTHING is stopping me from continuing to work hard and setting new goals.
As of this morning, according to my $10 analog scale (the same one on which I weighed myself that dreadful day), my current weight is 179lbs. For you math folks, that's a 31lb weight loss!
It kind of bums me out that I haven't really lost any weight since my post in June... :-/ But, my body has continued to change and sort of...for lack of a better word...compact. I'm wearing a smaller size jeans than I was in June, so that's good. And it's totes my fault that I haven't worked harder. I know this. But anyway...
Current sizes are as follows:
Jeans: a pair of size 12 jeans that is awful when I first put them on, but baggy-ish (and comfortable) by the end of the day
A few key pieces (tops, one dress) that are my BFF: 8
I'd call that a success, wouldn't you? Well, actually I don't care what you'd call it, if it's anything other than "awesome!"
So. **twiddles thumbs** What now?
Well, I go into the holiday season with a renewed sense of "get up off your butt." I feel really good about some upcoming auditions (see my theatre blog for that kind of stuff), I'll be registering for the 2011 3-Day walk probably some time in January...and after that who knows? I think the toughest part is going to be moving forward to reach new goals when I'm really just so happy and feeling so much better than I was a year ago. But I know I can do it.
And now, I leave you with a video. It's a video from the production of The Producers I did with DCT. It's actually not my favorite singing video of myself (Belting + Mandy + Exhaustion = praying to Jesus I'd make it through this song every night), but I love the way I look in it (Vain, Party of 1) and the words are just kinda perfect for how I'm feeling lately (minus the kind of skanky implications). So! On to 2011 and more reasons to "flaunt it!"
*Tongue-in-cheek reference to the Musical Theatre Dictionary, where I was able to define myself as a "character actress." Character Actress-noun- Talented women often who are often too fat, short, or quirky to be considered ingenues. Due to their physical shortcomings, character actresses often exhibit great acting tactics and multi-octave belting skills. Sadly, a character actress will almost never fall in love onstage because, as we all know, only pretty people have dreams and genitalia.