Still no baby.
Working on 5 days late right now. I think? Maybe 4. It doesn't matter. I just know that right now? The baby was supposed to be OUTSIDE my body, not still chillaxing INside.
Clearly I'm handling it well.
Here's the thing....I wasn't going to write this post if I went overdue. I was going to just keep all the anxiety and stress and disappointment inside, knowing full well and focusing on the fact that it literally cannot stay in there forever and eventually I'll have my baby....
But holding it in is killing me. I'M UPSET ABOUT IT. Okay? I mean I'm still not this bad:
....but I definitely have a new respect for Rachel in this episode, whereas I used to tell Michael, "I will NEVER act that way when I'm pregnant!" Truthfully, that's because I never expected to go beyond my due date. And, even though I'm frustrated and sad that I don't have a baby in my arms yet, I am still NOT THIS MEAN to my husband. If anything, I've been borderline rude and negligent of every other well-meaning person in my life just so I can save up all my nice and patient behavior for my sweet husband. He's been amazing, and I know he hates that he can't really do anything to make this happen more quickly for me/us.
I'm not even all that miserably uncomfortable, physically. There are moments where I still feel like someone is trying to pull me apart like a wishbone, but that's usually a quick hip/groin pain that goes away with a quick stretch the other way. There are times when I feel quite uncomfortable (and the rising Texas temperatures aren't helping), but really I feel fine. Put it this way....if I were 37 weeks, I wouldn't be complaining. I have zero contractions/pre-labor signs. I have decent energy and all that. I still look pretty non-swollen (though the rings are officially off) and the nurse last week told me how pretty my belly is. But I was supposed to have a baby by now!
I hate not knowing. I hate doing all the (healthy and proven) things that are supposed to move things along and seeing/feeling no progress. I hate thinking that I might have to be medically induced and possibly have a C-section. And please...PLEASE...do not tell me things like "Well whatever it takes to get your healthy baby!" or "It's allllllllllll gonna be worth it when you see him/her!"
I KNOW that. I really really know that. Trust me that I know that.
But right now? It sucks. It's frustrating and I hate feeling this way.
I also know that nobody knows what to say to me because they either a) don't understand because they've never been pregnant or didn't go late or b) have that legendary "pregnancy amnesia" working for them because of their sweet new babies. Or because they just think there's nothing anyone can say to me right now, which is only partly true. If you can make me laugh, that's the way to go. Saying things like "What the hell is up with your kid? RUDE!" is more likely to make me smile and laugh than "Hang in there! YOU'RE SO CLOSE!" And for God's sake, don't tell me how late you were. That doesn't help.
I know that's not fair, but it's the truth. I know that's not attractive, but I am wearing myself out trying to be able to help it. Hence, this blog post.
It's negative and it's whiny and it's gonna seem REAL stupid and silly when I post about my birth story and am looking at my perfect little newborn...but this is the reality of my NOW.
And I have to let it out somewhere. And typing up a blog post makes me feel better than just sobbing and crying uncontrollably.
So....if you made it this far, thank you. If you're rolling your eyes at me, that's okay too. :)