I am a working mom.
I always knew I would be.
I can definitely see myself standing under that bizarre umbrella that is "an introvert with extroverted tendencies," I need my time at home and I need to get out of the house sometimes. I want to work, and I want to be proud of what I do. I want Z to be proud of me, too!
I'm lucky. I truly, truly am. I leave him every day at one of the best childcare facilities in our city and he is loved! His classmates smile and clap and make squeals of delight when they see him. His teachers call out his name in hearty greeting. He spends the day learning and playing and comes home filthy and happy and more confident. His teachers hug me when I tearfully ask them not to tell me when/if he takes his first steps there instead of at home...and they promise me that, as far as they are concerned, all milestones happen at home.
But still. It's so hard sometimes. This week in particular, I've become acutely aware of just how little time I (and millions of other working moms) get to spend with him on a normal weekday. Half an hour to an hour in the morning, and 2/2.5 hours tops between pick-up and bedtime.
So we fill that time with hugs and giggles and stolen kisses (he's so busy; it's hard to catch him!) and songs and bath time and storybooks.
My time with my family is so precious. I know there are silver linings in every dark cloud. While I may not be feeling particularly...fulfilled, professionally these days, I am definitely made more aware of every. single. moment. with my family. In our short times together during the week and especially on the weekends.
A daily devotional I read calls them "glory moments." Moments of gratitude and wonder and thankfulness. These moments are what I live for, and they're what get me through every day.
Nothing is permanent; I know things can and will change. But this week has been harder than usual. And these last couple of months of transition and change have taught me that I have to find the joy where I can and not allow the frustration or the negativity to rule me. (I'm being vague, but I have to be. It's the smart, grown-up thing to do, right? RIGHT?)
The good news is, these moments are usually pretty easy to find...
The joy lives with me, with these two guys in my life. The little one smiles and pats my face, and the bigger one holds me and tells me he supports me no matter what.
It's the glory moments that get me through....that fill in all the little cracks and holes between Monday at 8am and Friday at 5pm.
And they are wonderful.