May 16, 2011

And so we run

I've been staring at this blank, open blogger window for a few days now (on separate occasions of course...I have slept and worked and done other things of course) trying to think of how to just jump back into this non-theatre, non-devotional-inspired blogging.  I suppose I should just make it simple:

I've gained some weight back...only about 10-12 lbs or so of what I lost (of which I've re-lost about 5, so net gain is really about 5-7lbs).

I've decided not to attempt the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure again this year.  My teammates and I agree we may try it again next year, but a year off seemed to fit our current lifestyles/schedules.  I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when we each realized the other was thinking the same thing.

This has left me feeling...unsettled.  Lazy. Unmotivated. Bummed out.  ROUND AND SOFT.

I can't even tell you when I decided, "You know what? Maybe I'll try running."  Maybe it was when I realized that running three times a week and drastically counting calories again would be the best way to jump start my weight loss again.  Maybe it was because I ended up following some Twitter people who are running for one reason or another (for themselves, for weight loss, for therapy/alone time, for a cause, etc.) and I thought "they really seem to enjoy this -- I wonder if I would?"

Turns out? I kinda do.  Like, a lot.

I'm slow. I can't run very far without feeling like dying.  I get winded quickly.  Old ladies with walkers pass me (okay that's not true). 

But I'm doing it.  I'm going three times a week.  I recently discovered that I enjoy running outside more than running on a treadmill going nowhere.  Until today, I was running two miles, three times a week...mostly without stopping.

Today, I decided to push myself a little.  I mapped out a new route and I ran 2.61 miles in beautiful weather.  While I struggled with my rhythm and my stride at times, I never stopped to walk. I always regained a breathing pattern that I could maintain. 

I'm not doing Couch to 5k.  I'm not quite sure what I'm doing.  I don't have special shoes or gel packs or special methods.  I'm just out on the pavement...taking measured breaths every few strides, in and out, and reaching small goals at a time.

It calms me. It gives me time to think and to breathe and to leave all the stress I may have been building up on the pavement.  It leaves me with a feeling of breathless accomplishment every time I push myself a little further.

I am a goal-oriented person.  I need something to work for.  Right now? It's being able to run 5k without stopping. After that?  Actually register for and run a 5k....and then some 5ks.  After that? Who knows...I just know that I've found an activity that's mine and mine alone.  No teammates.  No fellow actors.  Just a network of people congratulating me and encouraging me...but the action alone is mine. 

I didn't realize how badly I needed just that.

1 comment:

  1. GO you! That 2.6 run is a real accomplishment, friend. I'm proud of you and what you're doing for yourself, by yourself. Here's to us doing to Komen Race for the Cure this October and actually running it! Now, we may not be able to commit to running together (pace is everything, from what I'm reading here...) but we can damn well feel good about finishing!!! where do we sign up? :) (p.s. my word below to type before sending this comment is "sancer"...sounds like "cancer"...reminds me of 3day)