“I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they
professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of
To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The
flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks
it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you
prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”
To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.” --David Sedaris
Mr. Sedaris is referring to undecided voters.
I've now seen this quote on several blogs and websites, and these posts/sites are always followed by several comments on how "oh-so-hilarious" it is. I personally don't find it funny.
Let me just start out by saying I missed the deadline to register to vote in Texas, and no I can't vote absentee in Massachusetts because I never re-registered while I lived up there (so please, save me the "you can't have an opinion if you're not voting" comments. They will not be published.). I'm truly sad about this, because I can honestly say, for the first time in my life, that this is the most informed I have ever been during an election year.
Even so, I am still an undecided voter. I am confident that, even if I were able to walk up to my local voting facility, I would still hem and haw before finally making my decision.
Yet, I do not equate my indecision to choosing between chicken and shit.
For any of my friends who truly know me, this should be both surprising and exciting to them. Most times, I am pretty opinionated on which candidate I think will be the best for our country, whether or not I actually make it to the polls.
I have always been a fairly conservative person, and I tend to show that in my political leanings as well. As I get older and as my husband and I realize that the next president will very likely be in office when/if we decide to start having children, I actually get more conservative. I am not an extreme left or right. I don't choose candidates based on the letter next to his/her name, and I never will. I don't "only vote on moral issues," as my father so proudly boasts. I have been truly, truly paying attention.
So, in order for me to start leaning a little more left and thinking quite seriously about another candidate is a big step for me, and I'm a bit proud of myself actually. Part of me, likely the part where the pride lives, doesn't want to do this on general principle, because I don't want to align myself with all the celebrities and other people who vote for only the most popular candidate. I also can't even talk about my feelings with my family, because they all refuse to vote for a candidate whose middle name might not be "James."
However, even in looking at this candidate, I still disagree with a lot of his propositions.
So yes, I'm truly undecided. A small (very small) part of me is glad I won't be voting on November 4th, because I don't want to make a decision if I'm not absolutely sure.
Therefore, Mr. Funnyman Sedaris....how is the chicken cooked? If it's uncooked, or completely burnt to a crisp, then I'll take neither that NOR the platter of shit. I'm not very hungry after all.