We Have a Show

We have a show, y'all.

When I got the email this morning from our director, Tashina, I got this feeling...nervous, excited, anxious...just kind of an overall buzzed/hyper feeling.  Also a little emotional.

I mean....we created something.  Yes, most of the text is not written by us (we used the notebooks of Richard Foreman and Charles Mee...and I don't feel like linking those pages, so go Google it if you're interested), but the structure and the order and the intent?  All done by us.  As a group.

I'm pretty impressed by us, actually.

I've never done anything like this before, and even though we're just now to a point where we're going to be blocking and choreographing and such, I already have that "I don't want it to end" feeling.  This is pretty normal for me.  The anticipation of building a show and getting it ready for an audience is so important to me as an artist that I can't help but think about how bummed I'm gonna be when it's over.  I have to actively stop myself and focus on the NOW and remind myself to enjoy all of this part, too, instead of already being sad that it will be over in a month.

I'm so proud of all of us. 

We were warned that it would be difficult and frustrating at times, but those moments have been so insignificant in the grand scheme of things (so far!).  This group listens to each other and supports each others' ideas and contributes to the process without being overbearing or selfish. I'm glad to know I'll look back on this with a great sense of accomplishment and pride.  Of that, I am already 100% sure.

"You know, that's how it is to deal with art
because art is made in the freedom of the imagination
with no rules."

November 10-12th and 17th-20th.  Be there.

(this post is cross-posted on the Sundown Collaborative Theatre Tumblr page)

Blahgging

Remember when I blogged more often?  And then I'd go on a blogging drought and then write a post about how I used to blog more often?

Why do I suck at this so much?  Or am I just being hard on myself?  Yeah, that's probably it.  I HAVE A LOT GOING ON, YOU GUYS.

So I turned 30.  It was awesome.

Before I turned 30, I vlogged about turning 30.  Then I posted it on my Facebook page and offended some people because I said "old people are sad" on my vlog about 50 times.  So then I felt awkward about vlogging about turning 30. 

But turning 30?  Very cool.  Best birthday EVER.  I woke up to this:

Yep.  John Paul White, one half of the duo also known as The Civil Wars, (remember when I saw them play a short set at Good Records in Dallas?) sent me a Happy Birthday tweet.  The best part?  The "ma'am."  He is from the deep south, y'all, and that accent just gets me all twitterpated (see what I did there?). 

Then, when I got to work and turned on the Halifax radio station I listen to online, Live 105, my Canadian (and Halifax-resident) buddy Mike had emailed in a Happy Birthday dedication to me, which was Hope & Ruin by The Trews.  So that was about 10 kinds of awesome. Thanks Mike and to Christina from the Midday Meltdown for the birthday shout-out!

Then my amazing and adorable husband kidnapped me and took me to lunch at Chuy's (best. fajitas. ever.) where I got free sopapillas and had a margarita.

I also got a coupon to go to the zoo for their Halloween event ("Boo at the Zoo!") and a gift certificate to a local salon & spa as birthday gifts from my husband.  AWESOME.

Of course there were a gazillion texts, phone calls, tweets and Facebook messages.  Gotta love social media for making a girl feel loved on her birthday!

Then came the weekend and the big party.  Oh GOD, the big party.  Let's just say that my best friend came to town -

and SHE had organized for my friend Abby to show up and surprise me...

There were two cakes (one of which was filled with and surrounded by strawberries soaked in cherry brandy and then dipped in chocolate), and the obligatory candles...

We closed the place down and then some.  I'm told I had a GREAT time.  I'd post more pictures, but a) Shelly hasn't gotten them off her camera and sent them to me yet, and b) I'm not sure they can or should be seen...will let you know if any make it through my internet filter.

So yeah!  Turning 30. NOT BAD. 

But other than that...I don't have a whole lot to blog about.  I haven't been running.  I haven't even missed running until this past weekend, when I suddenly felt like I should go on a run and SOON before the window of time is closed.  And it will close soon, because of all the work that's about to get insane(ly awesome) with my show, which opens on November 10th.

Until then...I'll try to be less blah about blogging.  Blahgging. 

I amuse myself. 

Birthday Week = Crazy Week

You guys, this week has been C-R-A-Z-Y. I knew it was gonna be. On Sunday night, I warned my husband that it was gonna be an absolutely ridiculous week and that we wouldn't get a whole lot of time together. It sucks when that happens, but it's nice when I know about it ahead of time, I guess.

I turned 30 this week. On Tuesday. It was....kind of awesome, actually. I'll post about it next week, when the official celebrations are all over (since I turned 30 on a Tuesday, we're having the big party with all my friends [including my very best friend Shelly] on Saturday night and a family gathering on Sunday, so...stay tuned), but suffice it for now to say that it's the best birthday I have had in YEARS. No, really. I put a lot of expectations on my birthdays for some reason, and not even consciously. I think I just still have a 5-year-old buried inside that expects it to be a day unlike any other day that year. Most years, I'm slightly disappointed. This year, I was blown away. Maybe my expecations have changed, or maybe my life is just kinda awesome, more so than ever before. I dunno. Either way, I'll talk about it more later.

So along with work and rehearsals, for which I have homework (but it's kind of an awesome kind of homework):

...and LOTS of work to do at work (including but not limited to putting together the Big Monthly Meeting I prepare every month and substitute teaching a College Writing I class) after those late nights of rehearsal and reading...I have had lots and lots and lots of caffeine this week.  It's done the bare minimum of keeping me awake and relatively alert for the things I have to to get done.

But the tired I'm feeling?  Is that really productive kind of tired.  I don't feel beaten down so much so that I don't wanna do the things I have to do.  I just am plugging along, enjoying it all, for the most part.  I think it's a good sign that I could handle going for that Master's degree, maybe.  I can get stuff done in the evenings, read the things I need to read, cook dinner, attend to my husband (heh), and keep a relatively clean (okay it's not clean at ALL) house, and still do my job. 

Hey, did I maybe turn into SuperWoman when I turned 30?  Because that would be kind of awesome.

But really, I'm really enjoying working on this show.  Re-reading all the Richard Foreman and Charles Mee texts and working with stuff I've written and created and discussing things with the cast to create something new and interesting and—hopefully—beautiful and meaningful.

(yes, that does say "Fuck Math!" at the top. You kinda had to be there.)

By the way, are you following the Sundown Tumblr to read about the actors' experiences during this process?  Because you should be.

Anywho, I'm SO VERY GLAD that it's Friday.  And that I'm coming up on a 4-Day weekend.  And that my bestie will be here tomorrow.  And that I get another night of talking about theatre and beautiful things with my cast.  And that I don't have to look good on Fridays, because there was just no way it was gonna happen today.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and I'll be back next week with a post filled to the brim with birthday shenanigans!

Happy Friday!

Mermaids vs. Whales

I've seen the following photo posted on Facebook with the text in italics as its "caption."  It currently has nearly 200,000 "likes," around 140,000 "shares," and over 60,000 comments.  Obviously I haven't read all the comments, but I'd like to share my thoughts below the italicized text.



(this is the picture that accompanied the post on Facebook)

 A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

 "Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness. They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia. They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist. But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? They would have no sex life and could not bear children. Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad. And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale. At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies. We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated. Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! " (The girl on the picture is French model Tara Lynn)

Allow me to begin with my rant to the gym which posted this sign (allegedly -- I've yet to see or even look for proof of this.  For all we know it's fake and has just gone viral).  WHAT THE HELL, GYM?  Do you really think that's going to help anyone? Do you know how many people have a hard enough time getting up the nerve to even GO to the gym, a place where people in spandex do things that make body parts jiggle that they didn't even know they had?

How about, rather than making women feel even worse about themselves, you do something else.  Something actually inspiring, rather than berating and insulting.  Put up a picture of a normal sized woman crossing a finish line, shooting a basketball or swinging a tennis racket.  Make the caption something like "Feel better this summer than you ever have!  Ask us how we can help!"

Stupid gym.

Now, onto the woman's response.  I had a friend on Facebook comment on my post (I expressed annoyance and mild disgust at this whole thing) that she just took the woman's response at face value. That it's just a metaphor.  I get that, I really do.  And I'm glad if it makes some women feel better, which it most surely has. But a good metaphor is one that is well thought-out.  This is just a bad metaphor that, frankly, offends me as a writer.

Things she says just don't make sense.  Such as her tirade against mermaids, during which she says, "They would have no sex life...who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?" Um...so a man would prefer an even larger ACTUAL fish in his bed (the whale)? At least mermaids have boobs.  Poll 100 men and say "Real, 100% fish in your bed, or half-fish with great tits that maybe just smells like a fish?"  See what I'm sayin'?  BAD METAPHOR.

Now here is where I'm gonna hurt some feelings.  So get ready for it.

The part I take MOST ISSUE with is this: "We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies. We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated."

Um...hold on.  What?  Women gain weight because of their awesomeness?  My achievements and education and great knowledge is all manifested in my thighs and my ass?  I'm not fat, I'm cultivated!!

Wrong.

The thing is...I don't know the woman who wrote this response.  I don't know how old she is or what she looks like or anything about her station in life.  But I do know this...that response has a tone of painful familiarity for me.

As a former "fat" girl and a girl who still has some (ROCKIN') curves (I don't mind telling you I'm a size 12)...curves that I have enhanced and earned by working hard and making healthy choices (or trying to) regularly...I'm gonna say that I call bullshit.  You know why?  Because I have said those things:

"I'd rather be happy than thin!"

"Who wants to diet when I'm getting quality time with my friends eating cheese fries and drinking beer? I AM HAPPIER THAN THAT SKINNY GIRL AND/OR THAT GIRL BUSTING IT AT THE GYM 3 TIMES A WEEK!"

Then you know what I'd do?  I'd go home and get up the next morning and cry silently because nothing fit right and I didn't feel good or confident in any of my clothes.  Because I wasn't actually happy.  Not with myself.  Not 100%.  Yes, my life was (and is) filled with wonderful people and incredible moments.  But then the dust cleared and I was left looking at myself in the mirror, I wasn't actually happy.

So I made healthy changes and wanted to look better for ME.  And guess what happened when I lost weight?? I KEPT ALL THAT OTHER AWESOME STUFF LIKE WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE AND GENERAL AWESOMENESS.

In fact, I'd say I earned even more throughout the process of becoming healthier.

Look, I understand that the woman is angry because the gym made such a ridiculous, extreme statement.  Extremes are rarely a good thing.  My response would have been, "Wait, THESE are my choices?? Mermaid or whale?"  And then I would've switched gyms.

Actually, I probably would've scheduled a time to talk with a manager or head of personal training or PR for the gym or whatever and calmly explained how harmful I thought the sign was.  But that's who I am in the world.

But getting all up in arms and turning an already ridiculous metaphor into something more ridiculous is not actually helping future generations of women.  Rather than telling them that being a whale is awesome, how about we tell them how awesome it is to be healthy?  That it prolongs their life, that it makes them feel better and feel more accomplished and feel sexier (ask my husband how much his life has improved since I started loving who I am more)?

 I think that would do much more good than continuing to make the case for "extremes."



Aaaaaand SCENE. 

Off Center, Off Balance

Does anyone else feel like their blogging (subject matter, intent to blog, frequency with which you post, etc.) goes in waves? I'm definitely at some point on some wave right now.  I've definitely lost the momentum I had going with my days-of-the-week posts (which is probably why I never really got into the days-of-the-week underwear either.  They don't make Sunday.  Because of God.).

I haven't run in a week and a half, but I've had some intense rehearsals for Café des Artistes, which I'm occasionally posting about here, but mostly on Sundown's Tumblr.

And those can get really wordy.  And probably overwhelming and filed under TLWR (Too Long, Won't Read) for those who see it on their Google Reader feeds.

Which is fair.

I'm feeling very unsettled and hypersensitive.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I think that it's a direct result of the things we've been tapping into at rehearsals.  My emotions and my feelings are very close to the surface, and we're working to bring ourselves outside our own heads and let ourselves experience different and sometimes new things.  Because then we can channel them into creating the show.

But I need to remember how to compartmentalize these things. 

Not let it affect my relationship.  Not let it make me all emo and hypersensitive in my every day life...or on Facebook and Twitter, where it's real easy to get real emo real fast. Channel them and put them where they belong, for easy access when it's time to use them again at rehearsal.

On Friday, I had a CRAZY day. I wasn't really in the mood to have what I knew was going to be a physically and possibly emotionally draining rehearsal.  So when I got home (we've been having some rehearsals in my back yard), I went ahead and changed into rehearsal clothes.  Pulled everything we've been using out onto the deck.  Heated up some dinner.  Grabbed my iPod and a quick dinner and a magazine.  Laid out one of the quilts under my big tree...and just stayed out in the beautiful early evening until it was time to start.

It was the perfect thing to do.

I read my magazine.  When I was finished, I stretched out and closed my eyes and just listened to my music.

By the time rehearsal started, I felt refreshed and ready.  I felt balanced.

Maybe that's something I should make time for at least once a week.  Just to stay centered and feel balanced. 

My husband teased me, good-naturedly, and told me I'm turning into a hippie.  Maybe that's not so terrible.

Thoughts on Thirty

A week from tomorrow, I will turn 30 years old.

It's weird. 

How unfair is it to turn 30 on a Tuesday?  Is this because I had the incredible fortune to turn 21 on a Friday?  Probably.

THIRTY.

Let's go to Wikipedia and see some things that were happening in 1981.  Thirty years ago:

• The Oakland Raiders defeat the Philadelphia Eagles 27–10 in Super Bowl XV.  (Of course they did)
• President Reagan was shot in the chest by John Hinckley, Jr.
• President Ronald Reagan nominates the first woman, Sandra Day O'Connor, to the Supreme Court of the United States.
• A worldwide television audience of over 700 million people watched the Wedding of Charles, Prince of Wales, and Lady Diana Spencer at St Paul's Cathedral in London.
• MTV (Music Television) is launched on cable television in the United States.
• The thrash metal band Metallica forms in Los Angeles.

People born in 1981 (besides my awesome self of course):

• Eli Manning (January 3)
• Justin Timberlake (January 31)
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt (February 17)
• Julia Stiles (March 28)
• Troy Polamalu (April 19)
• Josh Hamilton (May 21) (He's only 30??)
• Natalie Portman (June 9)
• Summer Glau (July 24)
• Beyoncé (September 4)
• Tila Tequila (October 24)
• Britney Spears (December 2)

So...yeah...there's that.

I know nothing is really going to change the instant I turn 30.  Well, I actually hope one thing does change.  I've heard tell in stories that women approach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that'd be kind of awesome.  I'd be okay with that.  I mean I already feel like I'm a cougar/MILF in training because there are so many pretty young things on the story-box that I want to climb like a tree (I'm looking at you, Nathan Fillion...and Chris Evans...and Joe Mauer...and...).

I guess I ought to start thinking about whether or not a baby is in our near future, too, since just about a month after I turn the big Three-Oh, my husband will turn 33.  Hmmm. 

But, let's not jump ahead quite yet.  I still have a week left in my 20s, and I plan to enjoy every last second of my 20s before they are GONE FOREVER!

Life Well-Lived, Vol. 15

Another BUSY Wednesday, but I have just enough time before I leave work to quickly eat dinner and get ready for rehearsal to write today's Life Well Lived post!

Today I want to talk about my baby. No, I don't have any human children (yet), but I do definitely have a baby. Her name is Carmen, and she's an (almost) 3-year old pitbull mix pup. In March of 2009, we heard a rustling in our front bushes as we were leaving for work, and this sweet face popped right out:

Long story short...we didn't try very hard to find out where she came from. We checked for "Lost Dog" signs/notices and we had her scanned for a microchip.  Then we promptly got her shots and tags and made her ours. 

She is very, very spoiled.

And the prettiest thing you have ever seen in your life, no?

I think we make a very attractive family.  She has her mommy's red hair.

She likes to go visit the dog park, Wiggly Field (and makes the face below whenever you say "Wiggly Field??") and play with the other pups.

She also LOVES to play with her "tuggie."  She has recently figured out how to unbraid them, though, so that's fun.  I vacuum a lot.

I love this dog more than just about anything in the whole world. She is so sweet and good and cuddly and loving and smart and obedient and everything you want a family pet to be.  I can't imagine my life without my baby girl.

She definitely makes my—our!— life WELL LIVED.  Carmen, I'm so glad you found us.