November 20, 2012

No Shame November -- Friendship

I've been super slacking on these posts...and it's not because I don't think about it. I do...because I check my blog feed/Tumblr every day and I see everyone else's posts and I think, "I should really write something."  But then I am either too lazy or I really do have work to do, or it's just a topic that I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about that I don't know how to properly put them down on to...I was about to say "paper," but that statement is actually archaic (how sad is THAT?).  Too many thoughts to type out.  There.

Ever since I announced my pregnancy to the world, I've been thinking a lot about friendship. I think this post could also be about social media, but I've already written about that in another NSN post, so I'll only touch on the fact that I think that social media has really REALLY messed up what friendship really is. There's a false sense of closeness that we get from Facebook and Twitter relationships, and it can cause some really very unnecessary drama.

Remember back in the days before social media?  No, I know everyone says that, jokingly, but really...remember those days?  Friendships took effort.  Especially once you left high school. You had to actually call someone on the telly-phone (and that usually involved either having an address book or having their phone number memorized...there was no "Siri, call Shelly" back in those days), and arrange plans to hang out.  Then you'd actually spend time together in person and most likely have a great time hanging out! And, if you didn't want to hang out with a person, you just kind of gradually stopped hanging out and making effort to spend time together.

It was a lot simpler.

Now, you become Facebook friends with someone literally within hours of meeting them. If you're cast in a show, and you get a cast list?  Some people will immediately Facebook-stalk (Facebalk) the entire cast and add them as friends, since they're about to spend copious amounts of time in close proximity with each other.  Without giving even the slightest thought regarding whether or not they're actually going to like those people.  THEN, when you realize it's a person who is really annoying or just simply someone with whom you will probably never try to hang out with again, there's the blocking/hiding/eventual unfriending...and the inevitable awkwardness that will surely follow.

IT IS EXHAUSTING. Not to mention completely unnecessary.

I like keeping up with people...even the ones I don't hang out with often.  But it really does take the effort out of friendship and, at least in my opinion, the effort is what makes a relationship thrive.  Both people putting in the time and energy to make sure a friendship is cultivated.

Ok this became a lot more about social media than I intended...but like I said! Too many thoughts!

Anyway, I started this whole thing by saying I've been thinking a lot about my friendships since I announced my pregnancy.  Here's why...

Look, I really really understand that not everyone wants to have babies.  Not everyone even LIKES babies. But, I've been both pleasantly and unpleasantly surprised by some people's reactions. Some of my friends who have not-so-jokingly said in the past that they'd probably hide me as soon as I announced I was having a baby have completely surprised me with their genuine happiness and excitement for me.  On the other hand, friends I thought would be more excited have either said nothing, or have given me what is so obviously a knee-jerk "congratulations" that I truly wish they'd said nothing.  Disingenuous comments are really quite obvious (and hurtful), and I can do without them. 

I understand that not everyone will make the same choices I do with regards to life & family. And I also try to remember the times when I literally had no immediate excitement for a pregnancy announcement. I was happy for them, but I wasn't jumping up and down crying. You can't force a reaction; I know this as well as anyone!  But it really is true that "you don't know til it's your turn."  Even if someone's announcement doesn't make my weep like I did when my brother told me they were expecting, I will make sure that my friend, who is now a mother- or father-to-be, feels completely loved and excited by my response.  Because I know it's important.

See? Effort. Friendships take effort, and the reward is usually incredibly....rewarding.  I'm losing steam. I guess that means I should end this. 

1 comment:

  1. sounds like that baby is telling you that you need a nap :). take it! between baby and Carmen you may never get a chance again post-June! and grr to those who disappoint :(. focus on all of those are thankful for you and your blessings!!!